You Heard It Here First

It's not very often that I think something I say is pretty darned good, but I must admit I thought this was fairly clever.  Months ago I posted this as a status update on facebook and today I had the opportunity to repeat myself by commenting on someone else's status. 

Benjamin Franklin believed that, "Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."  My addendum to that is, "Coffee is proof that God loves us and wants us to be productive."

Eh, whadya think?

I know, I'm a goon.  

Ah, well, anyway, I like it.  At least I amuse myself.  :)

"Thank You, Captain Obvious!"

I know you are much smarter than I am and probably had this figured out already, but bear with me.

If I got to choose five books that should be required reading for all Christians, "Restored" by Neil T Anderson would be on the list.  I've been through it before, years ago, but it never ceases to amaze me how something you've heard previously and know well suddenly hits you in a fresh way.  The Bible is famous for doing that.  Chapter One provided a light bulb moment for me.

Neil states that one of the primary reasons Jesus came to us as a man was "to give us an example to follow in His steps. Jesus showed us how a spiritually alive person could live a righteous life.  He did so by demonstrating a life totally dependent upon His Heavenly Father.  All temptation is an attempt to get us to live our lives independently of God.  Jesus was tempted in all ways but unlike Adam He never sinned."


Suddenly what I had always known in my head took on a very real, very deep meaning in my heart.


I guess I've always thought about Jesus, both fully God and fully human, as being sort of above all the temptation stuff, as if He possessed some supernatural resistance that we don't have.  I mean, after all, He is God.  On some level I thought when Satan tempted Jesus in the wilderness that that was it, once and for all.  Battle over.  The Big Stuff was dealt with and Real Ministry could begin.


Somehow it never really occurred to me that Jesus was truly tempted by little, garden variety sins that trip me up so badly, and tempted by them everyday.  I guess I thought He simply brushed off any thoughts of lying, cheating, pride, resentment, lust, complaining, greed, gluttony, laziness, etc.  


I've finally realized that it's not that Jesus couldn't sin, it's that He didn't.


Two by four me upside the head and call me George.


I mean, really, DUH!  I've been a Christian for over 24 years and I'm only just now getting that?


It wasn't only in the wilderness with Satan that He was truly tempted.  It was every day.  All day.  

Just like me.  

Wow.  

How did I not get this before?

Romans 14:23 says, "whatever is not from faith is sin."  Everything Jesus did was by faith.   Everything. 


It makes me look at every situation He encountered with new eyes.  His humanity has taken on a whole new dimension.   I want to go back through the Gospels and look closely at how Jesus handled every situation He went through.  

I can't wait to see what the next 7 chapters have in store for me.  

It's My Blog And I'll Brag If I Want To

I've had this post in mind for over a week now but just haven't had a good chance to sit down and type it.

Of course, I'm starting this about 5 minutes before I need to make lunch.  Guess that means I'm getting better about squeezing things in as I can.  It may take me 15 trips to the computer, but I vow to get this written today!

We took the boys to see Toy Story 3 a few weeks ago.  (And yes, I cried.)  It was Nathan's first time in a movie theatre and he did very well.  He sat on Clinton's lap the whole time, snuggling with his blankie and his thumb in his mouth.  He was unbelievably quiet and well-behaved for an almost-three-year-old. We had no idea what to expect out of him, so we were very pleasantly surprised.  And some people say miracles don't happen -- HA! 

After the movie we went to Applebee's to eat.  We really weren't very hungry but couldn't decide on any place else to go.  We finished eating and were on our way to the car.  In the parking space right in front of the restaurant door there sat an older model car with two older ladies in the front seat.  I'm guessing the car was about a mid '80s Dodge Aries type, very faded grey paint with some spots worse than others.

 As we came out of the door they had tried to start the car but the engine wouldn't turn over.  They tried it again.  Still nothing.  Clinton and I were still walking towards the car, but  also looking at each other, wondering silently if he needed to give them a hand.  Then they tried a third time and it started right up.

As we got to the car Matthew looked at me and said, "Well, that worked."  I stood there and stared at him for a moment and then asked him, "Matthew, did you pray for those ladies, for their car to start?"  He said that he had. 

Yes, I am the proud momma of a thoughtful, compassionate son. 

And now for Brag #2.

A few Sundays ago I was picking Nathan up from the church nursery after worship services were over.  There is a big, open window between the hallway and the main nursery room.  You hand your child and their paraphernalia  through the open window rather than open the door and possibly let another child out into the hallway. While I was waiting in line to claim Nathan I was talking to our friends Chris and Holley.  Holley is the daughter of some of our best friends and they had just picked up their baby son, Kael, from the nursery.  

As Nathan approached the window he suddenly pointed out the window and shouted, "That's my Jesus!"  Chris, Holley and I looked at each other, wondering what he was talking about.  Did he mean Chris, or baby Kael, or someone else, or what on earth was going through his little head?  By the time I got Nathan out Chris and Holley were gone.  

We walked down to the foyer to meet Clinton and Matthew.  There I spotted Chris and Holley.  I asked Nathan if he saw his Jesus anywhere.  He looked around, pointed at Chris and said again, "That's my Jesus!"  

Okay, so he did mean Chris.  I can understand his mistake.  Chris is a nice-looking young man, very friendly, tall and slim with curly brown hair and nicely-trimmed facial hair.  

I had no idea Nathan "knew" what Jesus looked like.  We've read some books about Jesus and such, but I had never really thought about them as profile pictures of the Messiah.

It was a full week later before I realized the true significance of what transpired.  Nathan had said  MY Jesus.  Not, "There's Jesus!" or "There's Mommy's Jesus!"  MY Jesus.

It's very encouraging to know that SOMETHING is getting into their heads, and their hearts.

PS - It only took me 3 trips to the computer today to get this written.  :)

It's a Woman's Perogative to Change Her Mind

For years now, I've pictured it.  

Heaven.  The Pearly Gates.  Jesus welcoming me in and saying, "Well Done, Good and Faithful Servant."

I've thought for decades that those are the words I want to hear when I get there.  He'll smile, speak those words and I will mutter under my breath "Yes!  I've loved and served my Lord with my whole heart, mind, soul and strength and now I get to spend ETERNITY with HIM!  Whoo-hoo!"

But recently I've started to change my mind.

Not about where I spend eternity or with whom, but what I want Him to say to me when I get there.

I mean, yes, I still want to hear the Good and Faithful Servant part, but now I want more.

Call me selfish.  

In a previous post I briefly touched on the  progression of relationship with Jesus, per John & Stasi Eldredge in their book "Captivating."

You might recall that the Scriptures use a number of metaphors to describe our relationship with God.  We are portrayed as clay, and he is the potter.  We are sheep, and he the shepherd.  Each metaphor is beautiful and speaks to the various seasons of our spiritual lives and to the various aspects of God's heart toward us.  But have you notice they ascend in a stunning way?  From potter and his clay to a shepherd and his sheep, there is a marked difference in intimacy, in the way they relate.  It gets even better.  From master and servant to father and child, there is a wonderful progression into greater intimacy.  It grows more beautiful and rich when he calls us his friends.  But what is most breathtaking is when God says he is our Lover (our Bridegroom, our Fiance'), and we his bride.  That is the pinnacle, the goal of our redemption (used in the last chapter of the Bible, when Christ returns for his bride) and the most intimate and romantic of all.    p. 114

So that's the thing.  I don't want to be "just" a servant.   While I am honored at the privilege, I don't want to stop there.  I don't even want to settle for being His friend, although that is totally crazy to think about in itself. (Me?  His FRIEND?  Are you kidding?  Mind-boggling!) 

This is what I long to hear Him say to me,

My lover spoke and said to me,

     "Get up, my darling;

     let's go away, my beautiful one.

Look, the winter is past;

     the rains are over and gone.

Blossoms appear through all the land.

     The time has come to sing;

     the cooing of doves is heard in our land.

There are young figs on the fig trees,

     and the blossoms on the vines smell sweet.

Get up, my darling;

     let's go away, my beautiful one."

                             Song of Solomon 2:10-13 NCV

I don't deserve it.  I don't understand it.  But somehow, by His love and grace, I am His Beloved.

You can be, too.

What would you like Him to say to you?

Father Knows Best

Currently I am juggling two big (for me) writing projects.  First of all I am working on my first film for Talk Your Legg Off Productions. (http://talkyourleggoff.com)  Secondly I am co-writing our church's Christmas program.  I've been plugging away at them for some time now, but recently I had another idea for Talk Your Legg Off.  It's a speech I've had in my head for a few years now but haven't had the occasion (okay, the deadline) to sit down and put it all together.

I've wondered for a few weeks about slipping this speech in as my first official TYLO project.  It would be easier on all counts -- to write, to film, to edit, to post.  It's a speech, right?  How hard could that be to film and edit?  The more I thought about it, the more I liked it.  That would be an excellent way to get my feet wet and get myself  "out there" in preparation for the bigger idea.  This all made a lot of sense to me.

However, it's been my experience that whatever path makes the most common sense is usually the least likely to be the path God wants.     

Earlier in the week I had agreed to come up with a name for the main character for the Christmas program.  While going through my book one name struck me more than any other -- Amos.  I knew I was supposed to use the name Amos, although as a first or last name I didn't know. I finally settled on Amos Duke.  Amos means "burden" and Duke means "leader."  A burdened leader is exactly who this character is, and so I intended to see what Jeff and Tom thought about it, although I hadn't quite made it that far yet.  

Saturday afternoon I got pretty discouraged about the film when I realized my software wasn't going to do all I needed it to do.  This means I've got to research other software, be sure my computer will handle it, make sure it's compatible with my camera, make sure it does all the things I may ever need it to do, etc and so on. 

This is less than an exciting prospect.  Did I ever mention to you that I am completely a techno-idiot?   I don't KNOW what I need, and I don't know enough to know what I need to know but don't know.  UGH!  I'd rather go to the dentist than try to figure all this out.  Too much for my little brain to handle.  Total overwhelm.  Hyperventilation hadn't started yet but I could feel the panic rising.

Deep down I suspected that my desire to stick this speech into my schedule was my own way of (not) dealing with my technology issues.  "This will be easy to do, and when I accomplish this I'll feel better about myself and then I'll be able to tackle the film."  Makes sense, right?   Right!  Someone explain that to God for me, please.

Saturday night I asked the Lord to provide me with some guidance.  "Lord, if you want me to do the speech first, give me some fresh insights for it."  Then I went to bed, expecting to hear something from the Lord, probably at church the next morning.  

Oftentimes I get ideas during our minister's sermons.  Something he says triggers a thought, which triggers something else.  This sermon was no exception, just not in the way I planned.

Craig started relating a story about when he was in bible college and was visiting a family for supper.  When the meal was over the father got his bible and started to thumb through it.  "I didn't know what was going on there," Craig said.  "Gonna read something from the book of Amos tonight, I don't know."

Wait.  What did he just say?  Of all the things he could have said, he mentioned the name Amos.  In a sermon.  When is the last time you heard the name Amos in a sermon that wasn't based on the book of Amos?  When is the last time you heard a sermon from the book of Amos?  Coincidence?  Nope.  I've been around enough to know that was a God-incidence.  God was confirming to me to hang in there with the Christmas program. Oh, and that I was on the right track with the name.

It wasn't until after church was over that I got confirmation on the TYLO film.  That confirmation was even cooler that the first one, but...I can't tell you about it right now.  If I do, it will give away too much about the the film and it will ruin it for you. 

Believe me, I am DYING to tell you because it is SO COMPLETELY COOL, but rest assured, after the film comes out (whenever that may be) I will share the story.  Hang tight.

The important thing, though, is that I didn't get ANYTHING for the speech.  God was confirming what I secretly suspected all along but wasn't thrilled to hear -- stay with the two big projects I have going and quit messing around with the little stuff.  Maybe later He'll let me film the speech, but for now, let's stick with what we have going already.

And I am completely cool with that.  It took a sermon, and other God-incidences, on Father's Day to remind me that He does, in fact, know best.

PS -- I'm looking into purchasing software similar to what our worship minister uses.  If it's what I need, I'll have my very own live Help Desk.  That is DEFINITELY a good thing.

Hello, My Name Is...

When I became a Christian years ago I learned about the Holy Spirit.  

When you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart God raised Him from the dead you will be saved (Romans 10:9).  Repent and be baptized... for the forgiveness of your sins and you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit (Acts 2:38).

When I pictured, in my mind, living a life guided by the Holy Spirit, I saw myself walking in step with Him in all ways and at all times.  I would be so in tuned with Him that I wouldn't even need to think about what I was doing, He would just flow in me and through me, guiding my every action.

It wasn't until (many) years later that I realized that what I was picturing in my head wasn't really the Holy Spirit.


It was The Force.


Yes, okay, I'm a product of my generation.  Star Wars is part of my cultural makeup. 


The idea of the Spirit flowing through me in this way is not necessarily an inaccurate picture, but it is incomplete.  For instance, it's hard to have a relationship with a Force.  


"Good morning, Force!  I love you!"
"Whang...whang...whang..."


Not really working for me.


Fortunately, the Spirit is not a force.  He is a person.  The third member of the trinity.  Our counselor, comforter, strength and guide.  The Still, Small Voice that leads us.


If Jesus is The Word and the Spirit is The Voice...I should be able to hear Him talk, right?


I am learning to do just that.  I mean, I do hear from Him, usually an impression or a check in my spirit or through scripture or so many other ways.  But to hear His voice, actual words...it is a process.  I'll never get it 100% correct, but as I continue to grow in relationship with Him it will become easier to hear His voice. 


All of this I've known for a while and have been trying to put into practice.  This week, however, I realized how deeply ingrained the concept of The Spirit As The Force is in me.


I've started to realize I need...well...a bit of a prayer upgrade.  

Yes, I pray as I go throughout the day.  I pray for myself, Clinton, Matthew and Nathan, friends and family, different needs as I encounter them through the day, seeking guidance and wisdom and insight...but am I really praying, as I should be?  As I could be?


I think sometimes I sort of half-pray.  I THINK the prayers, but I'm not sure how much actual focus, purpose, intention I put into them. And certainly most of the time I don't ask what to pray and wait to hear the answer like I should.  (Who, me?  Not listen?  Too busy talking?  Distracted and discombobulated?  Ah, my friends, you know me well.) 

I guess on some level I rely too much on Romans 8:26b, We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express.  Maybe I subconsciously assume He will simply fill in ALL the blanks.


I think it's like living with someone.   You can inhabit the same house but that doesn't mean you have a close relationship, or even any relationship.   You've got to talk to each other, communicate, spend time together.  

Clinton can walk through the house and I can tell what kind of mood he's in by the weight of his footsteps.  I can hear the pouting tone of Matthew's voice even before I nag him to practice his piano lesson.  I know if I raise my eyebrow just right that Nathan will go into a giggle fit.  

I know these things because I spend time with them.  I watch them and try to learn about them.  We are familiar with each other.   But there is always more to learn, more to discover, more nuances and details to be revealed.

Don't get me wrong.  I do meet with Him, usually several times a day.  It's amazing what insights can come when you're folding laundry.   I'm learning and growing all the time.  I'm becoming more and more familiar .  God and I are good, but can always get better.  I just need to be a little more focused, a little more purposeful.

So if you say something to me and I don't answer right away, hang on, I'll be with you in a minute.  I'm talking with God.

Memorial Day Failures

Yesterday was Memorial Day.  A day set aside to remember those who fought and died for my freedom as an American.  Oh, and a federal holiday.  That is, unless you are a farmer.  National Day Off or not, if the fields are ready, you farm. 

It was also a day I fought a major battle for my own freedom.

Through the last year I've become more aware of the concept of spiritual warfare.  I hadn't really experienced it in full force until the last few weeks.  God has been leading me forward into new areas of creativity and ministry since February (see www.talkyourleggoff.com), and there has been some opposition along the way, but the serious attack began about 3 weeks ago.

I don't know if it's simply my writer's mind or what, but this battle had a theme: Failure.  Every area of my life was affected, from potty training Nathan to cooking to co-leading women's ministry to my relationship with Clinton to planting flowers.  EVERY TIME I tried to do ANYTHING it would go wrong, and I would hear in my mind, "FAIL!  FAIL!  FAIL!  I'm a screw-up.  I can't do it right.  It's all my fault.  I am a failure as a mom.  A failure as a wife.  A failure as a women's ministry leader.  I have been, am, and will always be a failure."  

I've dealt with my own negative thinking in the past, but this was...stronger.  Heavier.  More.  Wave after wave after wave knocked me down, ocean tides continued to roll in with no let up in sight.  Just as I'd stand up and get my bearings another would hit.  I have been close to tears every single moment of  the day for weeks.  I could sense it beginning to take a permanent toll.

  

The worst part was that I KNEW there was a spiritual component to all of this.  Deep down I KNEW this was the enemy and it was all lies.  But it FELT true.  I kept being presented with overwhelming evidence to support that I was a failure.  To add insult to injury, I felt too weak and powerless to even think of trying to fight.

I finally hit a crossroads yesterday morning while I was getting ready for the day.  I knew that if I continued on this path it would only get worse.  I've been down roads like this before.  I have no intention of going back.  Ever. 

Not by my might.  Not by my power.  But by His Spirit.

I'm usually a go-it-alone kind of gal.  God and I, we can handle it.  No need to bother anyone else.  It takes A LOT for me to ask for help, even just to ask for prayer for myself.  But I knew I needed the strength of others, the support of my brothers and sisters in Christ.

I finished getting ready and quickly messaged some of my most prayerful friends.  I committed myself and my schedule to serious time with God in the afternoon (Nathan's naptime) to draw strength and truth from His word and bind the enemy and cast him out.  Even with His strength and with others interceding for me, I wasn't sure what would happen.   In preparation I began listening to my iPod and various music and podcasts, including getting caught up on my One Year Daily Audio Bible podcast. 

Brian Hardin, who leads the Daily Audio Bible community and reads for the podcast, was on his way to Africa.  Until he could get set up there his wife, Jill Parr, was reading in his place.

 

The weight had started lifting, just a bit, after I made the decision to seek help earlier in the morning, but it was by no means gone.  The prayer at the end of this podcast confirmed to me that I was on the right track.  In fact, it was a major turning point.  

Here are Jill's exact words from her prayer at the end of the reading: 

I thank you, God, that your word is truth and I thank you that it is the truth that sets us free. But so many of us, instead of choosing to believe the truth, we believe the lie because the lie seems more believable than the truth. So God, I’m asking that every person that is listening now would know the truth, would choose the truth of how you see them, that we are not miserable failures, that we are not sinners, God, that we are saints saved by grace, forever striving to be more like you. I thank you, God, that your word breathes life into our weary bodies, our broken spirits, our crushed emotional beings. You come to heal the brokenhearted and to set the captive free. God, we’re wounded people. Each of us has a story, but we have been defined by that story for so long, God, that we forget that our identity comes through you and in you. God, please help us believe that we are everything that you say that we are. Help us to choose the truth, to believe the truth, and to walk in truth. In your name I pray, amen.  (emphasis mine)

I fully realize that I'm not the only one who needed to hear God speak those words yesterday, but I KNOW He intended that message for me, too.  I have been praying Psalm 43:3 a lot lately -- Send Your light and Your truth, let them lead me.   Jill's prayer spoke Light and Truth, calming the ocean tides into a glassy pond.  

I wanted to be sure I could always remember this and go back to it to see God's faithfulness.   I took up 12 pages in my prayer journal writing all of this and more.  (You are obviously reading an extremely edited version.)     

I am free.  Oh, I'm sure sometimes I'll feel like a miserable failure again.  Probably a lot of that will be my own negative thinking issues and not an all out enemy attack.  But now I have a defense, and I have my own plan of attack.  

This time, the enemy's power started to crack when I decided I had to do something, anything.  Asking for prayer dealt a serious blow.  The actual prayers added the strength and faith I needed to not give up.  Jill's prayer had the effect of an obliterating assault, and all I really had to do that afternoon was show up and walk into the light and truth of God's word. 

I am not a miserable failure.  I am God's Beloved. How fitting that my freedom came on Memorial Day. 

My prayer is that by sharing this you will be able to have your own Memorial Day.