Holding On

Flylady.net has been, and continues to be, a huge help to me.  This wonderful lady and her team are revolutionizing my life by helping me declutter and organize.  My basement looks better than it has since we moved into this house 9 years ago, and my cabinets and closets, papers and piles, are slowly but surely coming into line.  Babysteps rule!

I have pitched and/or given away literally dozens of large trash bags full of stuff.  If I don't use it, need it or love it, it's gone.  Outta here.  Later, gator.  Several local organizations are benefiting from this process, and I am overjoyed to bless others with these items. 


However, there are a few things I am struggling with getting rid of.   I'm having a real hard time parting with my maternity clothes.  And Nathan's baby clothes.  I know for certain that neither of us will use them again, but I can't bring myself to let them go. I've happily loaned them out to others, but there's just something about the permanence of giving them away that so far has made me hesitate.


I do know that I will get there, that one day (hopefully) soon I WILL HAVE HAD IT and I will quickly grab them and take them to our local crisis pregnancy center...just not yet. 

I'm saddened that this seems so difficult for me.  I understand about emotional attachement and what not and I know I will be okay with it eventually, but it makes me wonder...


What other things in my life do not work for me, do I no longer need, and do I not love, that I still stubbornly refuse to throw away?  What habits, attitudes, agreements am I harboring like fugitives in the basement of my spirit?  


Who'd a thunk that decluttering the basement would have such an impact on the clutter in my soul?

The What of the Lord is my What?

     They looked at me like I had lost my mind.  But then, they usually look at me like I've lost my mind. 

     I'd been wrestling around with it for a week or so.  I hadn't had any real time I could sit down and contemplate, so I asked my friends one night for their answers:  "Okay," I said. "' The joy of the Lord is my strength.'  Why?"  Pause.  Pause.  Deer-in-the-headlights.  I explained further.


     What I don't really get is the Joy part.  Why not The Hope of the Lord is my Strength?  Or The Love of the Lord?  Or The Peace?  Or The Strength?  Why The Joy?  
     And why is the Joy of the Lord Strength?  What is so strong about joy?


     AND, is that even IN the Bible, or is it just a nice phrase like "This too shall pass?"  

     While I found their answers to be very insightful, I still wasn't completely satisfied.  

     I found the verse way back in the eighth chapter of Nehemiah.  The Exiles had returned to Israel, rebuilt the wall around Jerusalem and settled into towns.  Everyone who could understand, men and women, came to listen to Ezra the priest read aloud the Law of Moses.  The people stood up for the entire 5-6 hours it took him to read.  Ezra praised the Lord, the people worshiped and the Levites explained what he was reading.  The people wept as they listened.  

     Nehemiah said, "Go and enjoy choice food and sweet drinks, and send some to those who have nothing prepared.  This day is sacred to our Lord.  Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength." (v10)  Then all the people went away to eat and drink, to send portions of food and to celebrate with great joy, because they now understood the words that had been made known to them. (v12)


     So the Israelites celebrated with joy because they now knew and understood who they were and what they needed to do to walk with God.  They were joyful in their newly found knowledge and their restored relationship.

     But is that The Joy of the Lord?


     God IS His Word.  As the people listened to the Word, understood the Word, and responded to the Word, they were responding to God Himself.  Turning their hearts to Him.  Finally, after 70 years in exile, they were broken and repentant.  Nothing brings God more joy than when we come back to him in repentance.  God was joyful that His relationship with His people had been restored.  He could again fulfill the promises He had made to the Patriarchs and make them into a great nation that would bless the world.  His will could finally be done.


     But what about the strength part?  After standing up from daybreak until noon, with their brains on overload and their hearts heavy, the Israelites were surely exhausted at the very least. Then they were told to go feast and quit crying.  Celebrate!  Grab a bite!  Sit down and relax!   As they did, you can imagine what that must have done for their bodies, minds and spirits.  
      So, for me anyway, I'm thinking that The Lord's Joy is me internalizing His word and repenting of my sin, thus restoring my relationship with Him.  It is my Strength because He, in His mercy and grace, calls me to the feast of restoration, in great anticipation of fulfilling His purposes for me and through me.  

     At least that's where I am with it all right now.  More insights could be forthcoming...

     Do YOU have any thoughts?  I'd love to hear them.

   

Grace and Mercy, Mercy and Grace

Mercy pays my debt and brings my account back to zero.
Grace deposits above and beyond what I deserve.
Mercy is when the Father ran out to the Prodigal and embraced him, welcoming home the son.
Grace killed the fatted calf and brought the robe and ring, restoring him as an heir.

Snipets

Some random thoughts that probably don't belong together, but it's my blog, and I'll put them together if I want to. :)

The spoken word is extremely powerful. In the beginning was the Word...(John 1:14) There is life and death in the power of the tongue. (Prov 18:21) If you confess with your mouth Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart God raised Him from the dead you will be saved.(Rom 10:9)
Why isn't it enough just to believe in your heart? Why do we have to say it out loud, too? One reason I heard lately comes from John Eldredge: The enemy cannot read your mind. Only God knows what you are thinking.
If you want the enemy off your back, tell him so! Out loud! The louder, the better, although whispering does seem to work.

Which came first: the cultural attitude of entitlement or the fact that we do not require our children to say "please" and "thank you" anymore?

The wages of sin is death (Rom 6:23) does not necessarily mean your body will be in a coffin momentarily. It might be the death of a relationship. The death of a dream. The death of a ministry. Of integrity. Of opportunity. Of respect. (major paraphrase of Beth Moore)
It also might not be immediate, but slow and painful. And death is pretty hard to come back from.
Of course, in the great wisdom of The Princess Bride, "There is a big difference between mostly dead and all dead. Mostly dead is slightly alive." If you're still breathing, you (and your situation) are only mostly dead. God can bring anything back to life.

Processing...processing...

It's amazing to me how God sets things in your life at the perfect time, in the perfect way, for the perfect effect.
You may have read about my kayaking adventure. How utterly taken I was in the moment, in nature, in the water (of all things). I was a bit disappointed in my description of the event, but well, it is what it is.
I've been processing everything over the last week. Why do I feel this way? What was it exactly that I connected with? God showed up with (of all things) a vocabulary lesson. Had this lesson come two weeks ago I doubt I would have made this connection. God's timing for God's effect.
John Eldredge of Ransomed Heart Ministries and "Wild at Heart" fame has been looking for some words to really capture the Christian life (besides Love, of course). The words he came up with are Epic and Intimate.
The grand, sweeping story arc and the tiniest detail of the manuscript. The resplendent mountain vistas and the delicacy of one flower. The dramatic annunciations of the orchestra and the gentle whisper of the guitar.
John is an Epic kind of guy. I find myself to be more affected by the Intimate. But as someone familiar with theatre, I understand the Epic also, and it certainly moves me as well.
Kayaking was not Epic for me. It was not Intimate, either. For me, being out on the kayak was a moment in which both Epic and Intimate joined together. Here, one plus one equals a lot more than two.
Kayaking feeds a place in my soul I did not know existed.
I love watching my sons growing up partly because I love to see who they are becoming. Watching them discover their strengths and weaknesses, interests and passions, is beyond thrilling. It seems to me that it's not that these aspects of their personalities are being created so much as uncovered, brought out and encouraged. I get to play a small part in helping my boys discover their layers.
Kayaking is one of my layers. Now that it has been uncovered, I plan to continue to bring it out and encourage it.

Trading in my Chevy for a...

It is always, in my experience, the very last thing you think you'd enjoy doing that brings you the most fulfillment.
"Are ya kidding me? Not only 'no' but 'heck no!' I'd NEVER do that!"
And God smiles.
I enjoy being God's comic relief. Most of the time.
Who else but God, the guy who parts seas, makes donkeys talk and sends His own Son to be crucified for me, could come up with this stuff?
For instance, I never thought I'd meet a farmer. Today I'm married to one and loving it. (Not just loving the farmer-who-was-not-a-farmer-when-I-married-him but also the lifestyle)
I never wanted to live in the country. A loft in the heart of downtown was all I needed. Today I believe the old adage that a day in the country is worth a month in town.
I grew up in the Chicago area and have never been an outdoorsy girl AT ALL. I don't do bugs, lots of sun, heat and humidity, and I especially do not do cold water. At heart, I'm more of a hot-tub kind of gal. But suddenly, my newest passion is...wait for it...kayaking.
There. I said it. It's true. Kayaking. As in, outdoors. On the water. In the sun. God smiles.
Earlier this week we went camping at a local campground that I originally thought I would not enjoy. Each campground has its personality, and this one is all about fishing.
We do not fish. Or at least we didn't when we first pooh-poohed the idea of camping there. God smiled.
Matthew went fishing earlier this summer with the church and got hooked (pun intended). Then we were invited by some friends to join them at this campground. Matthew was thrilled because Fred is a fisherman and could teach him a lot.
The camping area is right on the water surrounded by tall pine trees. The view across the lake is spectacular. Lovely to look at, but that's it. No way for me to be out in it. Not that I really wanted to be out in it. I did mention the cold water and the bugs, right? And as I don't fish, I didn't get to go on the boat with the guys. Poor me. I'll just stay at the campsite with Marcia and chat. I'm good at that.
A few spaces down from us was a family and some of their friends. They had their fishing boat and 2 kayaks with them. Marcia and I watched in fascination as the friends' 8 (or so) year old daughter got right in one and took off. Ah, to be young and fearless, we thought. We could never do that ourselves. We'd be tipped over before you could say, "Look at me go!"
But later we got talking with the wife and she explained how easy these sit-on-top kayaks were to use. Then, for real, she offered to let Marcia and I try them out.
I know. Yes, there are still nice people in the world, to even think of letting two strangers just take off in their kayaks. We looked at each other and it was a no-brainer. We put on life jackets and jumped (or gingerly stepped) right in.
We got the hang of turning and going forward and back very quickly and,boy, we were off. Our first voyage was to The Point where Matthew and Marcia's son Max were fishing. We thought they would freak out when they saw us. We didn't get quite the reaction we were looking for, but we pressed on.
It was truly amazing. Out there on the peaceful water. Feeling the oneness with nature. The stillness. The quiet. Well, quiet except for the two of us laughing and gawking at how much fun we were having. There were no motors to distract, just the simple dip of the paddles as we luxuriated in God's creation. We embraced the exhilarating freedom and peacefulness. Unlike anything I have ever experienced.
Of course, we had to go back and let Matthew and Max have a try, and they enjoyed it as well.
How many days until Christmas?

What You've Been Missing

Yes, it has been a looonnnggg time since I've posted anything here. God has indeed been working in my life, but recently He's been addressing some very internal issues with me. Things I'm still processing. Things He is cleansing and things I'm still learning about. I may not even share these with you directly, but I hope and pray that you will see in me a deepening in closeness to Christ.
How's that for obscure?
Let me put it this way: I listen to the 1 Year Daily Audio Bible podcast every day. Brian Hardin, the founder and leader, sought the Lord for the community at the beginning of the year and the Lord gave him the phrase, "Complete and Release" as sort of the theme for the year. Um, wait, it might be "Release and Complete..." Ah, well, either way, it works.
In my mind I thought God was speaking of responsibilities. Complete that project/ministry/season of life and release it, embrace freedom from it and move into the new thing God has in store.
Not so for me.
For me it's more internal than external. It seems to mean getting the full picture on issues I've been dealing with for a while and getting rid of them.
The process hasn't been so much painful for me as eye-opening. "Oh, okay, now I get it. Yeah, that needs to go. How do I do that? Oh, I see. Let's do that, God. Thanks!" As a bonus, the freedom is coming, and I must say, it is fabulous.
Thankfully, the process continues.
A side benefit to all this spiritual cleansing is that it is making its way outward. Tomorrow we should finish purging Matthew's room and hopefully move on to the basement.
I don't think this is exactly what God had in mind when He started this whole process, but it seems to be making the trash man happy. :)