Where did I park my Focus?

I purchased everything I needed.  Clinton helped me set up the decorations, videos and books.  I had the seat set up in the appropriate room.  I had prayed and prayed and prayed.  I even checked the Farmer's Almanac to be sure it was the best time.

And it was.

And it worked.

Mostly.

On Friday, April 9, I potty-trained Nathan using the book "Potty Train Your Child in Just One Day" by Teri Crane. I had planned to blog last week about how well the book worked for Nathan.

If you follow her plan, it can work.

If you only partially follow, you may have a major problem on your hands. 

Friday was okay.  Saturday started out shaky but he really was getting the hang of it that afternoon.  Sunday showed continued promise.

Monday came.  It all went down the tubes--literally and figuratively.

I had thought I would have at least another week before Clinton got into the field to begin planting.  I was wrong.  Oh, so wrong. 

Between meals and other farming chaos, final rehearsals for my Ladies' Day skit, Matthew's 3 track meets, trying to convince the family that it would all work out just fine if I left for two days, and just keeping my head above water with the house, I lost the battle. 

I had planned to have the whole week relatively free to be able to drop everything when needed to help continue Nathan's success.  The reality was that it was one of the most frustrating, nerve-racking, tear-filled weeks I have ever had.  No exaggeration.  There was not a single day last week I didn't break down sobbing at least once.  No PMS involved. 

I was SO ready for Ladies' Day. 

It was obvious that God had been at work in this event long before we started planning.   Everything from the anointing on the speakers to the weather to the decorations to the timing of everything was truly amazing.  Other than the fact that it was very cool that morning, Ladies' Day was absolutely perfect. 

It wasn't until keynote speaker Linda Mirante's second speech that I received what I needed, the message I had come to hear.

One word.

FOCUS.

She began by saying that when you have a bad day, you need to ask yourself, "What did I focus on today?"  I don't tend to be a very focused, driven person anyway, but I realized that I had had NO focus WHATSOEVER that week.  Or rather, I had no GOOD focus.  My focus had been on my distractions, duties, discouragements, and disasters.  I was looking around me when I needed to be looking up.

So that is the word that keeps coming to me this week as I try to repair the damage and continue on.  Focus on the next thing I need to do.  Focus on the child and not the clock  (So lunch is 45 minutes late.  They'll get over it eventually).  Focus on The One who has it ALL under control, if only I will get my grubby mitts off and give my chaos to Him. 

FOCUS. 

The Purple-eyed Monster, or Envy's Close Cousin

Okay, I guess I don't know for sure that Pride is purple-eyed, but I thought it sounded good.  You know, purple is the traditional color of royalty and when I am steeped in pride I consider my opinions to be more valid and important and reliable than God's and therefore I make myself out to be royalty versus the real royalty of the King of Kings... (Whoa.  Okay.  Stop.  Take a breath.  Inhale.  Exhale.  Better now.)    :)

It seems that God has more to teach me, using my "Envy lesson" from last week as a springboard . 

Webster's says Pride is a "high opinion of one's worth."  For me,  the connotation is that this worth is higher than everyone else's.  A prideful person feels that they are better than others, that their opinion is the correct one, the only one that matters in the end.

It's occurred to me recently that the opposite is also true.  Thinking that you are worse than everyone else is also pride.

"Okay, um, HUH?  What did you just say?"

I believe that when I am down on myself I am just as prideful as being "up" on myself. 

Whether my opinion of myself is for good or for bad, if it differs from God's opinion of me, it's wrong.  Moreover, it's sin.  Pride.

Romans 14:23 says, "Whatever is not from faith is sin."   Any time I trust or believe my own opinion over God's, I am in defiance of God.  Sin.

 

Now, we are also called to "think of ourselves with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given us." (Rom 12:3)  Complete honesty.  Total openness.  Based on GOD'S WORD, not on my own fickle feelings or whims of the world.

How does He see me?

As clay He is molding.  

More than that, as a sheep He is leading.  

More than that, as a servant He is charging.  

More than that, as a child He is teaching.  

More than that, as a friend He is confiding.

More than that, as The Beloved He is pursuing, wooing, loving. 

Hmmm.  I like that.  That sounds a whole lot better than what I have been thinking.

(progression of relationship courtesy of John Eldredge)