Debbie Legg -- God and the Everyday

Dogs, Teeth and Power over the Darkness

2011-10-26T14:04:00.000-05:00

As a child growing up in the Chicago suburbs, our fenced-in backyard ended at the alley.

One day we were in the backyard playing baseball. My sister, Lorie, was batting. She nailed the ball, sending it past our garage and across the alley. It landed in the yard of some people with whom we didn't have many social interactions. These neighbors didn't have children, so we didn't have much occasion to talk to them. They did, however, have a short-haired medium-sized black dog that slept on the back porch. It did occasionally look up when we walked by, but most of the time it slept.

The rule was that if you hit the ball out of the yard, you were responsible for getting it. After weighing all of the options, the consensus was that Lorie needed to climb over the chain link fence, sneak in and get the ball, trying not to wake the dog.

She gingerly slunk over the fence and then tiptoed carefully towards the middle of the yard. We watched in silence. The dog continued to sleep. She found the ball and picked it up. Everything was okay. Then she stepped on a stick and it cracked.

"BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK!" The dog raced after Lorie, snarling and growling, a horrendous grimace on his face. Lorie took off at a dead run for the fence, the rest of us shouting. She made it to the fence, literally flipping over, and landed on her back on the pavement. It seemed the dog was mere inches away from tearing off her foot. We gathered her up and hurried into our own backyard. Lorie was a little bruised from the fall, but most of the damage was from the terror of being chased by the terrifying dog.

Later that afternoon our mother went to the neighbors to explain what happened. The woman of the house replied, "Oh, it's no trouble for them to come in and get their ball anytime. That dog couldn't have hurt her. He doesn't have any teeth."

That was thirty years ago and we still laugh about it.

I have been facing some pain and uncertainty with my health recently. I know that at least part of it is a spiritual attack. Fear of the Unknown Future has been wrapping his icy fingers around my heart and mind, causing panic and confusion and anxiety. I know that Jesus promises that if we resist the devil he will flee (James 4:7), but sometimes it is so difficult simply to stand our ground, much less war against him. It's especially difficult because what he says feels true, and directly feeds my own fear: "You will be in pain for the rest of your life. It will only get worse. There isn't anything they can do to help you. Get used to it. Give in and give up."

I asked God to help me, and He reminded me of the Toothless Dog story. I had to laugh yet again, this time with great relief and peace. You see, just like the black dog, our enemy the devil doesn't have any teeth. We are God's children, protected by His grace, and He gives us power over the the darkness, the fear, the anxiety. Oh, the devil sure puts on a show, racing towards us at breakneck speed to attack, snarling and barking accusations, growling out lies. But, when it comes right down to it, he cannot hurt us.

The enemy has no teeth.

Now whenever those icy fingers try to close around my heart, I send the Toothless Wonder home to his own hellish backyard, and I remind myself of God's promises to me of healing. So far, so good. Fear of the Unknown Future is on its way to becoming merely a memory, just like the formerly terrifying dog.

In The Beginning

2011-08-09T21:52:00.002-05:00

One day it hit me that in the Bible, the books of Genesis and John both begin with the phrase, '"In the beginning." I laid them out side by side, reading back and forth between one and the other. I though their dialogue was extraordinary. Let me know what you think. :)

John 1 NIV ¹ In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.

Genesis 1, NIV ¹ In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth.

² He was with God in the beginning.

² Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters.

³ Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made.

³ And God said, “Let there be light,” and there was light.

⁴ In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind.

⁴ God saw that the light was good, and he separated the light from the darkness. ⁵ God called the light “day,” and the darkness he called “night.” And there was evening, and there was morning—the first day.

⁵ The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.

⁶ And God said, “Let there be a vault between the waters to separate water from water.” ⁷ So God made the vault and separated the water under the vault from the water above it. And it was so. ⁸ God called the vault “sky.” And there was evening, and there was morning—the second day.

⁶ There was a man sent from God whose name was John. ⁷ He came as a witness to testify concerning that light, so that through him all might believe.

⁹ And God said, “Let the water under the sky be gathered to one place, and let dry ground appear.” And it was so. ¹⁰ God called the dry ground “land,” and the gathered waters he called “seas.” And God saw that it was good.¹¹ Then God said, “Let the land produce vegetation: seed-bearing plants and trees on the land that bear fruit with seed in it, according to their various kinds.” And it was so. ¹² The land produced vegetation: plants bearing seed according to their kinds and trees bearing fruit with seed in it according to their kinds. And God saw that it was good. ¹³ And there was evening, and there was morning—the third day.

⁸ He himself was not the light; he came only as a witness to the light.

¹⁴ And God said, “Let there be lights in the vault of the sky to separate the day from the night, and let them serve as signs to mark sacred times, and days and years, ¹⁵ and let them be lights in the vault of the sky to give light on the earth.” And it was so. ¹⁶ God made two great lights—the greater light to govern the day and the lesser light to govern the night. He also made the stars. ¹⁷ God set them in the vault of the sky to give light on the earth, ¹⁸ to govern the day and the night, and to separate light from darkness. And God saw that it was good. ¹⁹ And there was evening, and there was morning—the fourth day.

⁹ The true light that gives light to everyone was coming into the world.

²⁰ And God said, “Let the water teem with living creatures, and let birds fly above the earth across the vault of the sky.” ²¹ So God created the great creatures of the sea and every living thing with which the water teems and that moves about in it, according to their kinds, and every winged bird according to its kind. And God saw that it was good. ²² God blessed them and said, “Be fruitful and increase in number and fill the water in the seas, and let the birds increase on the earth.” ²³ And there was evening, and there was morning—the fifth day.

²⁴ And God said, “Let the land produce living creatures according to their kinds: the livestock, the creatures that move along the ground, and the wild animals, each according to its kind.” And it was so. ²⁵ God made the wild animals according to their kinds, the livestock according to their kinds, and all the creatures that move along the ground according to their kinds. And God saw that it was good.

¹⁰ He was in the world, and though the world was made through him, the world did not recognize him.

²⁶ Then God said, “Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness, so that they may rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky, over the livestock and all the wild animals, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.”²⁷ So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.

¹¹ He came to that which was his own, but his own did not receive him.

²⁸ God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky and over every living creature that moves on the ground.”

12Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God— ¹³ children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband’s will, but born of God.

²⁹ Then God said, “I give you every seed-bearing plant on the face of the whole earth and every tree that has fruit with seed in it. They will be yours for food. ³⁰ And to all the beasts of the earth and all the birds in the sky and all the creatures that move along the ground—everything that has the breath of life in it—I give every green plant for food.” And it was so. ³¹ God saw all that he had made, and it was very good. And there was evening, and there was morning—the sixth day.

¹⁴ The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only Son, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.

A Journal of a Thousand Gifts

2011-06-17T15:46:00.000-05:00

I've been struck so much lately by how much pain we human beings seem to bear. I know so many people (myself included) who are struggling these days. Unemployment, sick children, cancer, financial woes, the death of loved ones, loneliness, physical infirmity, relationship issues, and infertility are only a few examples.

It truly never ends. We get one problem cleared up and another one surfaces. Life is never perfect. It is always a battle. Always.

If you're at all like me, you're weary of the struggle. Sick and tired of sick and tired. More and more I find myself wanting to take all my toys and go home until Life agrees to play nicely. While I enjoy a good wallow in self-pity ~~more than~~ occasionally, I'm starting to see Discouragement and Despair taking up more permanent residence in my heart (reminding me a bit of these commercials).

I need a spiritual expectorant to force this soul illness to take a hike.

Knowing I have to do SOMETHING is one thing. Knowing what that something IS is quite another thing. I must admit, my tactic this time is not one I've tried before. This tactic is also not my idea.

In January my friend Joline (creator of and co-contributor with me at dailyfastfuel.com) wrote a blog post about a book. I had never heard of the book but the post stuck with me. A couple of months later, on a Tuesday, my friend Kay gave me a copy of this very book. I was touched and intended to read it, but managed to lay it on top of the "One Dozen Books I Want To Read" Pile. Then that very Friday, my friend Julie sent me a facebook message about this book that she kept thinking I would really like.

OKAY, GOD, OKAY! I'm getting the message! I'll read the book!

And then I proceeded to leave it on the top of The Pile for another couple of months.

FINALLY I have succumbed to the ~~guilt~~ ~~shame~~ conviction and started reading, albeit VERY slowly. The book is called One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp. This is not a book you can plow through. It must be savored, contemplated, allowed to percolate.

I also need to read it slowly because I can only take so much at once. Having the toes of my heart stepped on, no matter how gently, is NOT fun. But I can already feel a shift happening, the realization that I too need to have my life transformed by Grace, Thanksgiving and Joy.

So to that end I have bought a journal. As of this minute I haven't written anything in the journal other than the circumstances leading up to the purchase of the journal, but it's a start. The toes of my heart are getting stronger and I'm ~~procrastinating~~ taking baby steps. A journal of a thousand gifts begins with a single entry.

All I have to lose are Discouragement and Despair.

All I have to gain is...well...I can't really imagine just yet.

I'm only on page 58. :)

Fueling Up a Dream

2011-04-24T17:13:00.006-05:00

Occasionally, the simple act of opening and reading an email can change your life.

Towards the end of last year, I got an email from my friend Joline over at The Cuppa Jo. She had been mulling around the idea of starting an online/email devotional for over a year, and would I be interested in partnering with her and a few other women in this project?

I prayed a lot. I went several rounds toe to toe with Self Doubt and I Don’t Have Time. Finally, Peace won out. I was in, although I must admit that even today a few butterflies remain.

EASTER SUNDAY is/was the official launch of dailyfastfuel.com with MONDAY, APRIL 25 beginning the actual Word-based devotional “nuggets.”

You see, part of Joline’s vision was a SHORT devotional, one that you don’t even have to scroll down your screen to read in its entirety. A tiny nugget of wisdom, a small morsel to wrap up and take with you, a drop of soul fuel to nourish you throughout the day.

Now, some of you have read my other blog posts. You know how ~~easy~~ challenging it will be for me to limit my posts to 150 words. CAN I DO THIS? (There’s Self Doubt sticking his nose in again…)

Don’t you think that’s reason enough to log in, sign up and find out?

No?

[sigh] Okay, fine. Well then sign up for the fact that we six writers have completely different life experiences, attitudes and senses of humor. Some are wiser, some are bolder, some are wittier. ALL of us love God and love to write. Each writer will “serve you” a week at a time, Monday through Friday.

I’ll give you one last reason. This post is 350ish words. Dailyfastfuel.com will take you half as long to read. :)

Those are better reasons, right? Yeah, I thought you’d see it my way eventually. ;)

dailyfastfuel.com. Come on in for a bite. Share it with your friends, or with your enemies, or with perfect strangers. It’s all good.

Would you like some faith with that? :)

Turns Out Old Dogs CAN Learn New Tricks

2011-03-30T13:45:00.000-05:00

It may seem from the title that I've got dogs on the brain a lot these days, especially after having written This Post and This Other Post.   Trust me, it's just a metaphor.

Really, it's not the Old Dog that's important so much as the New Trick.

Are ya ready to read it? Are ya sure? Okay. Here is the new trick:

This 41 year old stay-at-home mom, farmer's wife, writer/filmmaker/speaker/kayaker, is going to be a drummer.

No, no, no, there's nothing wrong with your eyesight. You read it correctly. I said I'm going to be a drummer. Yes, like real drums.

Yeah, yeah, okay, fine. You can stop laughing now.

No, seriously. You can stop laughing.

Well, okay, just because you can't stop laughing doesn't make it any less true. [sticks her tongue out in your general direction]

Christmas 2009 saw us buying Lego Rock Band for Matthew. We got him the game itself, a guitar and a set of drums. We knew he'd love it and he did. What we didn't know was that I would love it even more.

After Clinton got it all set up, Matt picked up the guitar and I sat down at the drums. Before we even began to play the first song I knew it felt like home. I fell in love. There really isn't any other way to describe it.

I've always had a really good sense of rhythm. I think having danced helps, also. In both dance and drumming your arms and legs are doing different things at the same time. I think both activities use the same part of my brain, the one that does its own thing when I let my conscious mind take a back seat and just feel. I'm not saying all dancers can play the drums, but it seems to be working for me.

Somehow, sitting there, I just knew that I could do this. I knew it like I knew my own name. I can still completely recall that feeling. That conviction has never faded.

I thought and prayed and waited and listened. The biggest problem was convincing Clinton that I needed drums, specifically electronic drums. You know, the kind that you plug in to an amplifier. That you use with headphones so that you don't wake up the kids when they're sleeping because that's the only time you get a minute to sit down anyway.

Those kind of drums are not cheap. He made me swear on my mother's life that I would not ask for another Christmas, birthday or anniversary present for the next eight to ten years. (Okay, not really. I did offer, though. Sorry Mom.)

Thirteen months after my Christmas Lego Rock Band Revelation my drums finally arrived. I sat down with the DVD Clinton got me and learned a few grooves and fills. I've been banging around ever since, playing along with songs on my iPod. On March 31 I will start lessons.

I. Am going. To. ROCK! Whoo-hoo! [commence happy dancing] I'm so excited I can barely stand myself. I am fulfilling a life-long dream I only discovered 15 months ago.

So that's the basic story of how a middle-aged momma is not so quietly transforming into a cool rocker chick.

Okay, okay. I admit it. Now I'm laughing, too. Sheesh, I couldn't even WRITE that last line with a straight face.

It's completely unlikely, isn't it? Unexpected? Darned near inconceivable? I've heard of a dealing with a mid-life crisis before, but discovering a mid-life passion? Really?

And that's what's got me just a little bit bugged about the whole thing.

Why now?

Why am I only just now discovering this enormous side of myself? I mean, I'm 41 for crying out loud. Wouldn't it have been much better to discover this 30 years ago (oh, that makes me feel old)?   I might have been REALLY good instead of just potentially kinda good. [cue Marlon Brando] "I could've been a contender."

What could my life have been like had I grown up playing the drums?

I think I have an idea. Knowing myself as I do, I think I would have focused on the drums to the exclusion of everything else. "I'm good at this, I love it, why try anything else?" I wouldn't be writing or speaking or making films. I wouldn't be open to other aspects of myself, other ways to be used of God in my little corner of the world. I'd be a more linear person, to my detriment.

Worse, I think I would have focused on myself to the exclusion of my family. I'd be resentful of farming season and the time commitment involved because it would cut into my practice time. I'd resent living in a small town where there are very few opportunities or venues to play.

I think I'd be much more selfish than I am already.

So maybe God does know something about timing. And about me.

It is the glory of God to conceal things, but the glory of kings is to search things out. Proverbs 25:2

When The Dog Bites (or vomits, or chews your computer cable)

2011-03-16T14:41:00.000-05:00

Back in October I shared with you about my friend, John, and the sweet dog he rescued, Jesse. Should you so desire, you can refresh your memory here .

I thought you might like an update.

If not, well, that's too bad. You're going to get one anyway.

According to John, "[Jesse] is about 178.9 degrees opposite of how he was when I first picked him up. We've been on several hikes, and he does wonderfully well. Doesn't even need a leash....but that's because he wants to be near me all of the time. But he will run ahead, or run circles around me, and come back from time to time to check on me. He's an excellent hiking partner. He's gotten to a point where he recognizes my family members and wags when he sees them. Such an awesome growth and blooming I've seen in him...and me (because of him!)."

Remember, this is the dog who would only come out from under the bed to eat. The dog who had to be picked up and carried outside because of fear. Whose playful side was only just beginning to emerge due to John's patience, love, and perseverance. Who was just learning to trust John's daughter, Maddy.

Yep. Five months later I still get a smile on my face thinking about it.

Of course, there are also The Less Fun Moments. The scratches on John's hands. The scratches on John's floors. The messes from toys that don't quite agree with Jesse's delicate digestive system. The money on trips to the vet when Jesse is sick. A trip to the store to replace the computer cable Jesse chewed to bits. The mess when the remains of the cable... you get the picture.

But more than the clean up and tubes of triple antibiotic ointment are the scratches to John's heart. There have been many times John felt, "Why did I get this dog? I can't take care of an animal. It's too much!" Jesse would finally begin to get his bearings and appear to be progressing only to relapse . John would work and work with Jesse and suddenly wham, back to square one. The catastrophes that come at the very worst times. Late nights, early mornings, worry and fear and pain. How many times can a person hope and pray and try and try again and...

Oh. Sorry. We're discussing John and Jesse, aren't we.

Or are we?

I know I've had my share of relationships where it got to the point that I simply could not handle one more crisis, one more phone call. The heavenward pleas of "Dear God I have tried EVERYTHING I know to do and NOTHING is working" are very familiar. You can't make any sense of what is happening. You don't want to care anymore. The pain is simply too much to bear. But no matter how hard you try or how you wish you could, you just cannot shut off your heart.

The rescue dog you've given your heart and soul, mind and strength to, runs away from you, refusing to come home. They throw your freely-offered, deeply-felt love back in your face and stomp away, blaming and vindictive. They literally bite the hand that has loved and fed and cared for them.

And you are left with wounds, gaping and festering and sore.

It can be horrendously painful to love people.

It is horrendously painful to love people.

Sometimes it would be easier to not care. Easier to close up and close off, to shut out and shut down. Plug up the wellspring of life that is your heart and by sheer force will it to dry up so that you never have to hurt like that again.

Wounded people do this all the time.

But, once our hearts dry up and close down, we lose connection with every thing around us.

Not just every one. Every thing.

Dulling our hearts dulls all of our senses as well. To a certain degree, all food ends up tasting like oatmeal. One scent becomes indistinguishable from another. Red and yellow and turquoise all become shades of gray.

When we lose our hearts, we lose our humanity.

When we lose our humanity, we lose our ability to see people. Fellow human beings. Someone's child. God's child.

Dulled eyes from closed hearts don't see other people AS people. What was a person becomes an illusion, something we want them to be and not who they really are. We define them, see them as "just" this or "nothing but" that. "Oh, he's just a drunk." "She'll never be anything but a failure."

Worse than an illusion, which at least validates their existence as some form of human, they become a means to an end. A person becomes "nothing but" a possession. Genocide. Human trafficking. Slavery. Gang violence. All of these and more stem from a disconnection, a shutting down, a loss of heart and humanity.

When we lose touch with our hearts, we lose touch with the very essence of who we are, who we were created to be, and who others were created to be.

Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life. (Proverbs 4:23, NIV)

Are you getting this with me?

ABOVE ALL ELSE, guard your heart.

Above all else, GUARD your heart.

Above all else, guard YOUR heart.

Above all else, guard your HEART.

Why?

It is the wellspring of LIFE.

We lose our very lives when we lose our hearts. We must protect our hearts, not from loving too much, but from loving too little.

John could have very easily, many times over, decided he'd had enough with Jesse. He could have given up and given Jesse away. But John sees Jesse. In spite of Jesse's wounds, in spite of John's wounds, love looks past and sees what only love can see.

Value.

The old expression, "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder" is true. Value is also bestowed from the beholder to the beloved.

Jesse is valuable to John not necessarily because Jesse is so great, or so smart, or so funny. Jesse is valuable to John because John loves him.

You are valuable, my rescue dog friend. You are seen. You are loved. Not because you are so inherently lovable, but because The One Who Created You declares you to be so.

Remember Who Loves You. When you do, you'll remember He also loves rescue dogs. And He will give you the strength and love you need so that you can truly see and value and love them.

When we dig deep and ask and try and love yet again, we help to break the cycle.

We love because He first loved us. I John 4:19

Just Another Sticky Day for Me

2011-02-04T19:53:00.000-06:00

One day last month I had finally had enough. Depression was threatening to take up permanent residence. Having survived depressions before, this prospect did not excite me. I needed to break out and make some changes, but I felt stuck. Just. Plain. Stuck. Kind of like the snowed in cars on Lake Shore Drive this week.

If you recall from my last post I was in a bit of a rough patch. Right after that post (and I mean within hours of that post) things in my life took a major nosedive. Don't worry, I won't bore you with details. But, I got to the point that on this particular day I really needed some serious direction, encouragement and comfort, the kind that no amount of coffee or Reese's Miniature Peanut Butter Cups could provide.

So I FINALLY did what I SHOULD have done in the FIRST place. I cried out to God.

"Lord, please, please help me today. I need Your comfort and strength. I need healing. I know You love me, but I really could use a little something extra today."

Then I purposed to consciously clear my heart and mind and look for His love notes to me throughout the day. I would ask, seek and knock and trust Him to give, reveal and open. And, BONUS, I would write it all down so I could remember what He said. :)

The first love note came in the form of a friend's facebook status, which I then ~~copied~~ stole for myself. It said, "The optimist says the cup is half full. The pessimist says the cup is half empty. The child of God says my cup runneth over." Ah! Yes, Lord, yes. Even in all that is going on right now, I am truly, truly blessed. (Again, don't worry, I won't bore you with details.) A little perspective there to start me off.

Later in the day I listened to The Daily Audio Bible with Brian Hardin. The New Testament reading was from Matthew 12:1-21. In this passage Jesus heals a man with a shriveled hand. I just about fell over. This was a passage God gave me back in November to let me know He was going to heal my hand (which turned out to be my neck/back/shoulder/arm). It was loving confirmation that He IS still working.

THEN I heard verse 20: A bruised reed He will not break, and a smoldering wick He will not snuff out, till He leads justice to victory. Oh how I have been a bruised reed! Oh how my passion and creativity have been nearly snuffed out lately! How comforting that justice and victory are coming! I copied that verse down and now it sits right in front of me at the computer. I CLING to that verse.

Once Brian finishes reading the daily scripture verses he will usually make comments about what he read and then prays. Included in his prayer were these words: "We thank you for what you've done in our lives and what you have yet to do. We look forward with longing to the day when your work is complete and we are completely restored, face to face with you as we were meant to be." All of that really resonated with me, but my brain really hooked on the word restored. That word factors into many areas of my life these days - physical, emotional, relational, spiritual. It's a big theme for me this year. Lord, You know how I long for the restoration that can only be found in You. Thank You.

After Brian prays and gives any announcements he plays called in prayer requests from other listeners. One of the requests that day was from a lady who had many long term medical problems. She said, "[God] told me a few years ago that he would heal me and I believed him and just said let my healing glorify him, so whenever the timing was right, that is when it should be rather than me try to argue that it should be then....He [said he] was going to start healing me but really gently." That exactly fits what I've been sensing about some healing that I've needed in my own life. He IS gently healing me. Loving confirmation again!

Later on facebook a friend posted as a status Isaiah 43:2, "When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze." This verse is special to me already because I consider the first part to be my kayaking verse. But after reading it this time I saw something different. I saw Him carrying me through rivers of tears and through the fire of pain. YES! my heart said. YES, Lord! YOU ARE WITH ME!

Later I messaged a friend and mentor for some guidance on all my stuckness, letting her know what I was already doing and wondering if there were other bases I needed to cover. She messaged back that I was doing the right things, that I was on the right track. Her words brought me a great deal of comfort.

And, yes, again on facebook a friend posted her daily "Message from God." Several of my friends get that app and God has used their "message" more than once to send a message to me. This time was no exception. "On this day, God wants you to know...that transformation is possible at any time. A person can transform, a situation can transform. Never lose hope. Under the proper conditions of love, faith and belief transformation is quite possible." Transformation at any time! Never lose hope of the restoration of people and situations! I must continue on in love and faith and let HIM work it out.

And that brings me around to what I believe is my verse from God for 2011, from Zechariah 4:6, "This is the word of the Lord to Zerubbabel, 'Not by might, nor by power, but by My Spirit,' says the Lord of hosts." You see, the name Zerubbabel is a bit special to me at the moment (if you see my film once it's finished you'll understand why). It's also a BIG reminder to me that once I do my best I must let it go, trusting Him for the outcome, not just with the film but in all areas of my life.

Reminders to count my blessings. Reminders of previous promises. Gentle guidance. Restoration is possible, and is coming. A gradual but perfectly timed healing of pain and sorrow is on the way. Comfort that I'm doing what I need to be doing. I will hang in there and not lose hope.

EXACTLY what I needed to hear. And now, a few weeks later, I am pleased to report that I have been officially unstuck.

ASK. EXPECT an answer. BE OPEN to receive it, in whatever form(s) it comes. Probably most importantly, WRITE IT DOWN. Let the evidence of God's past faithfulness be the snow plow that unsticks you the next time you're feeling snowed under.

Music Therapy

2010-12-13T10:57:00.000-06:00

It's been nearly two months since I've posted here. I guess my "excuse" could be summed up with, "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all."

It's been a bit of a rough patch for me since my last post. Nothing major, just a lot of little things that have added up. A necessary but bittersweet break from the film. Friends and family facing personal struggles that I am helpless to do anything about other than pray. My annual bout of Pre-Christmas Blues. Major rifts in some cherished relationships. Painful health issues that are taking their sweet time healing.

Yeah, I know. I hear you. You're sending some cheese to go with my whine. (I prefer Colby-Jack or a nice Brie, just in case you're interested) ;)

Truthfully, I'm not whining. I'm not complaining. EVERYONE has pain. I get it. I'm cool with it.

Throughout it all there has been an underlying Peace. You know, the One That Passes All Understanding. I know that this too shall pass. God is meeting me at each and every broken place. It's a beautiful thing.

I only share my obstacles because I can't share what is helping me deal without sharing them in the first place.

While I'm not a musician (yet), I have always enjoyed music. Music reaches us in places we can't begin to fathom:

Its language is a language which the soul
alone understands,
but which the soul can never translate.
~ Arnold Bennett (1867 - 1931) ~

I'd like to share with you a list of songs that help heal me, encourage me, support me, inspire me, comfort me, strengthen me, and continue to minister to me through tough moments. Here they are, in no particular order:

Whatever You're Doing by Sanctus Real
** This song has been KEY for me.
"Whatever you're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos somehow there's peace
It's hard to surrender to what I can't see
but I'm giving in to something heavenly"

That's What Faith Can Do by Kutless
"Don't you give up now
The sun will soon be shining
You gotta face the clouds
To find the silver lining"

Hold On by Toby Mac
"If you can hold on,
to the one that's holding you
there is nothing that can
stop this crazy love
from breaking through"

Get Back Up by Toby Mac
"We lose our way,
We get back up again
It's never too late to get back up again,
One day you will shine again,
You may be knocked down,
But not out forever"

Before the Morning by Josh Wilson
"So hold on you gotta wait for the light
press on and just fight the good fight
'cause the pain that you've been feeling
is just the dark before the morning"

Sometimes He Calms the Storm by Scott Krippayne
"Sometimes he calms the storm
and other times he calms his child"

The Voice of Truth by Casting Crowns
But the voice of truth tells me a different story
the voice of truth says 'do not be afraid!'"

While I'm Waiting by John Waller
"I'm waiting, I'm waiting on you Lord
and I am hopeful, I'm waiting on you Lord
though it is painful, I'm waiting on you Lord"

Rise by David Wilcox
** Okay, if you've never heard of David Wilcox (American, not Canadian), YOU ARE MISSING OUT!
"I know that a heart can just get buried
Stone by stone, crushing hope until it dies
Far away, but the message somehow carries
Beloved, it is time for you to rise."

Blessed Be Your Name by Tree 63
"Every blessing you pour out I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in Lord still I will say"

Move Along by The All-American Rejects
"when all you got to keep is strong
Move along, move along like I know you do
And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through"

Our God by Chris Tomlin
** OF COURSE I would have a Chris Tomlin song on here. Don't you know me at all? :)
"Our God is Healer, awesome in power
Our God, Our God"

Healing Hand of God by Jeremy Camp
"Taste and see the fullness of His peace,
And hold on to what's being held out.
The healing hand of God"

He Will Carry Me by Mark Schultz
"And even though I'm walkin' through
The valley of the shadow
I will hold tight to the hand of Him
Whose love will comfort me"

What songs minister to you?

Jesse

2010-10-14T17:59:00.001-05:00

My new friend, John, lost Norman, his beloved dog of many years, in 2005.

Less than two months ago, John gathered his heart and his courage and headed to a dog rescue foster home. He came back with Jesse, a blue tick coonhound, one of the neediest and most skittish dogs he'd ever seen.

For a long while, Jesse would only come out from under John's bed to eat. Outdoors was terrifying for him. John had to physically pick him up and carry him outside. Now slowly, gradually, he is finally making his way out from under the bed, out of the crate, out of the bedroom and into the living room, and even making progress outdoors. Jesse's slow development of trust is even extending to John's daughter, Maddy.

Last night John posted on Facebook that Jesse's playful side is starting to emerge. In fact, he's so playful that he ripped the blankets and pillows off John's bed and took them to his crate. The mental picture I have of that makes me smile.

I, for one, am amazed at the exuberant personality this extremely shy, abused dog is finally starting to display. I'm dumbstruck by the miracle of what love, time and patience can do to bring healing to a wounded soul.

It gives me hope.

You see, I, too, am a rescue dog. So are you, to one degree or another.

Every one of us has been abused, neglected, mistreated at some point, and we all have the scars on our hearts to prove it.

Sometimes the abuse came from people we trusted. Sometimes the neglect was because of circumstances beyond our control. Sometimes mistreatment is the result of our own bad decisions. But we all bear scars.

Human beings need grace and mercy, love and attention, to feel safe and secure, so that healing can come.

All of us. Every. Last. One.

If we can extend grace and mercy, love and attention to our fellow humans, in whatever amounts we can, we help perform miracles as well. We begin to draw those around us out from under the bed.

Sometimes it takes very little effort. Perhaps only a smile, a look in the eye and a "thank you" to the cashier having a bad day will make all the difference. Sometimes it's more of an investment.

It is ALWAYS worth it. Human beings are always worth it.

Yes, it costs us something to love people. Yes it's hard. Yes, sometimes it hurts more than we can bear. But if we hang on a little longer, if we continue to love and care and ask, if we continue to walk with each other in grace, mercy and forgiveness, miracles will happen.

Healing goes both ways. Go ask John and Jesse.

Then, take it a step further.

Go ask Maddy.

Besides the miraculous healing of this sweet dog, I love to think of the effect caring for Jesse will have on Maddy. What she is learning about perseverance, bravery, compassion and healing are lessons she will carry with her the rest of her life.

Who knows how many dogs, or humans, will be rescued by that miracle?

Just Call Me Israel

2010-09-14T16:27:00.000-05:00

I'm taking a 2x4 to the heart today.

I deserve it.

Actually I deserve much, much worse.

God has been hinting and telling and showing me some things for quite a while now. I have assured Him every time that I do have it all under control.

Except that I really don't.

This is no surprise to Him.

Honestly, it's no surprise to me, either.

Denial is powerful but you have to face the truth sometime.

But oh, oh how it hurts.

___________________________________________________

I just switched over to Facebook for a minute. A friend just this second put Jeremiah 29:11 as their status: "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Thanks, God. I'm so glad to know You won't be mad at me forever. Thanks for still loving me.

Getting My Guard Up, part 2

2010-08-25T13:28:00.000-05:00

For the record, I am not a perfectionist. I am not a control freak. If I wasn't a Christian I probably would be both of those, but because of the Grace of God I am not.

I do, however, like to do my very best when it counts. For instance, keeping my house sparkling and spotless is not someplace it counts, although I do make sure my house is functional and clean-enough-to-not-encourage-the-spread-of-disease. When writing for myself (i.e. this blog) I don't edit as judiciously as I do projects that involve other people. I'm going with the stream of consciousness thing here. (And you wondered why I don't always make much sense. Welcome to the chaos that is Mommy Brain.)

It's been two weeks since I posted about guarding my heart. I am failing. Sometimes I'm failing miserably and sometimes I do fairly well, but for all the newly-acquired insight I have obtained on the subject, the actual implementation is elusive.

The Debbie Translation: I need "a little less talk, a lot more action."

To guard my heart I have to start with guarding my mind.

WAY. EASIER. SAID. THAN. DONE.

Being as my brain is always going 976 mph, it's not easy to keep up. I let my mind wander for a split second, my imagination ignites and I'm right back to where I started. My current favorite facebook status, "Don't believe everything you think. It's bound to create problems that don't even exist," helps a lot, but it's still doesn't cover all the bases.

I'm totally understanding Paul here when he talks in Romans 7 about the interior war, the spiritual parts within us versus the earthly and sinful parts. If Paul struggled with that, I'm going to as well, until death do I depart.

I don't want to keep fighting the same battle day after day after day. (No wonder cooking and cleaning are not among my favorite things.) I want to have my heart well-protected yesterday. Then I can move on to other things.

*sigh* It ain't happenin'.

Sometimes I am the Warrior Princess, slaying the dragons to protect myself and my family. Other times I am the little girl hiding in the corner, discouraged and defeated.

All the time I am too hard on myself. Doing my best does not mean I will always get it right (although obviously somewhere deep inside I think it should).

I remind myself, here and now, that transformation takes time. It's not a quick fix or instantaneous change. I can't undo forty years of wounds and negative patterns in two weeks. And, although God can do that in me, He's choosing to heal and transform me a little bit at a time.

He continues to extend Grace and Mercy to me. I need to extend some to myself.

Getting My Guard Up

2010-08-12T14:50:00.000-05:00

I have started and deleted this post MANY times over the last few weeks.

Even now it is very difficult to sit and write because I'm not quite "there" yet. I haven't mastered this lesson. The worst part is, in this lifetime, I never will. But that said, here goes nothing. For about the eleventh time. I hope it makes any kind of sense.

God has really been working on cleaning out and healing my heart and mind since about February. As much as I'm enjoying my newly-found freedoms, He started with the easier areas first (see previous posts from the past 6 months).

That means that we have gone from dusting tables to now dragging out the yucky, moldy, stinky, useless, disgusting junk in the basement. (DISCLAIMER: Just so we're clear, this is a picture of my heart, not the lowest level of my house. Hmmmm...maybe this is why I've gone off Flylady and decluttering my house? I guess I can only handle one cleaning binge at a time.)

This is NOT my idea of fun. Some of my scars have been with me so long I've considered having them apply for their own social security numbers.

But that's the problem. Jesus came to restore my heart, to heal it. He doesn't want me (or you) to suffer any longer. He especially doesn't want to leave anything the Enemy can use to his advantage. He wants me (and you) healed, healthy and holy. Deep down I want that, too. But the process hurts, and it's hard. It's not a magic-potion-once-and-for-all cure. My only hope of that is Eternity. But to grow closer to Him, to become every day more and more His Beloved, it has to be done. *big sigh*

Right now, at this point in the battle, this is what it's about:

Proverbs 4:23 Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.

These are the words I keep hearing over and over and keep repeating to myself every time junk comes up. DEBBIE -- GUARD. YOUR. HEART.

Not shut my heart down. Not close it off. Not erect a high, impenetrable fortress. While my heart needs to be well protected there must also be access, places for love and truth to move in and out. My strong wall definitely needs a gate or two.

I've always been open-hearted. When I love I really, really love. My heart really can contain a wellspring of life.

But it must bubble up pure water. I have to stop letting pollutants in. I need to be careful and watch what I allow into my heart. Not just from the outside world, but from my own mind as well.

How do I do this? I'm still working a lot of that out. But here are my best weapons so far:

2 Corinthians 10:5, We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

Psalm 101:2b-3, I will walk in my house with a blameless heart. I will set before my (*mind's) eyes no vile thing. (*addition in parentheses mine)

John 8:31b-32, Jesus said, "If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." (all emphasis mine)

When my mind starts to wander (which it does when I'm sad, anxious, lonely, frustrated, weak etc. Basically throughout most of my day) I've got to take my thoughts captive and speak God's truth into them. I have to choose, moment by moment, to believe the truth and not the lie. Even if I don't have all of the information about a situation, I have to remind myself of what I do know to be true and then wait for more information from God, scripture, circumstances or other people.

The HUGE BONUS (and the best part) is, by guarding my heart, I am also guarding my husband's heart. And my sons' hearts. And my family's hearts. And my friends'. And those I minister with. And those I minister to. If I use God's truth to build the wall of protection around my heart then all those that I love and cherish will be protected, too.

Even though I will always struggle in this area, I know that the weapons I familiarize myself with now will serve me well in the future.

That sounds very freeing to me.

You Heard It Here First

2010-07-29T19:15:00.000-05:00

It's not very often that I think something I say is pretty darned good, but I must admit I thought this was fairly clever. Months ago I posted this as a status update on facebook and today I had the opportunity to repeat myself by commenting on someone else's status.

Benjamin Franklin believed that, "Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." My addendum to that is, "Coffee is proof that God loves us and wants us to be productive."

Eh, whadya think?

I know, I'm a goon.

Ah, well, anyway, I like it. At least I amuse myself. :)

"Thank You, Captain Obvious!"

2010-07-23T19:42:00.000-05:00

I know you are much smarter than I am and probably had this figured out already, but bear with me.

If I got to choose five books that should be required reading for all Christians, "Restored" by Neil T Anderson would be on the list. I've been through it before, years ago, but it never ceases to amaze me how something you've heard previously and know well suddenly hits you in a fresh way. The Bible is famous for doing that. Chapter One provided a light bulb moment for me.

Neil states that one of the primary reasons Jesus came to us as a man was "to give us an example to follow in His steps. Jesus showed us how a spiritually alive person could live a righteous life. He did so by demonstrating a life totally dependent upon His Heavenly Father. All temptation is an attempt to get us to live our lives independently of God. Jesus was tempted in all ways but unlike Adam He never sinned."

Suddenly what I had always known in my head took on a very real, very deep meaning in my heart.

I guess I've always thought about Jesus, both fully God and fully human, as being sort of above all the temptation stuff, as if He possessed some supernatural resistance that we don't have. I mean, after all, He is God. On some level I thought when Satan tempted Jesus in the wilderness that that was it, once and for all. Battle over. The Big Stuff was dealt with and Real Ministry could begin.

Somehow it never really occurred to me that Jesus was truly tempted by little, garden variety sins that trip me up so badly, and tempted by them everyday. I guess I thought He simply brushed off any thoughts of lying, cheating, pride, resentment, lust, complaining, greed, gluttony, laziness, etc.

I've finally realized that it's not that Jesus couldn't sin, it's that He didn't.

Two by four me upside the head and call me George.

I mean, really, DUH! I've been a Christian for over 24 years and I'm only just now getting that?

It wasn't only in the wilderness with Satan that He was truly tempted. It was every day. All day.

Just like me.

Wow.

How did I not get this before?

Romans 14:23 says, "whatever is not from faith is sin." Everything Jesus did was by faith. Everything.

It makes me look at every situation He encountered with new eyes. His humanity has taken on a whole new dimension. I want to go back through the Gospels and look closely at how Jesus handled every situation He went through.

I can't wait to see what the next 7 chapters have in store for me.

It's My Blog And I'll Brag If I Want To

2010-07-14T14:50:00.000-05:00

I've had this post in mind for over a week now but just haven't had a good chance to sit down and type it.

Of course, I'm starting this about 5 minutes before I need to make lunch. Guess that means I'm getting better about squeezing things in as I can. It may take me 15 trips to the computer, but I vow to get this written today!

We took the boys to see Toy Story 3 a few weeks ago. (And yes, I cried.) It was Nathan's first time in a movie theatre and he did very well. He sat on Clinton's lap the whole time, snuggling with his blankie and his thumb in his mouth. He was unbelievably quiet and well-behaved for an almost-three-year-old. We had no idea what to expect out of him, so we were very pleasantly surprised. And some people say miracles don't happen -- HA!

After the movie we went to Applebee's to eat. We really weren't very hungry but couldn't decide on any place else to go. We finished eating and were on our way to the car. In the parking space right in front of the restaurant door there sat an older model car with two older ladies in the front seat. I'm guessing the car was about a mid '80s Dodge Aries type, very faded grey paint with some spots worse than others.

As we came out of the door they had tried to start the car but the engine wouldn't turn over. They tried it again. Still nothing. Clinton and I were still walking towards the car, but also looking at each other, wondering silently if he needed to give them a hand. Then they tried a third time and it started right up.

As we got to the car Matthew looked at me and said, "Well, that worked." I stood there and stared at him for a moment and then asked him, "Matthew, did you pray for those ladies, for their car to start?" He said that he had.

Yes, I am the proud momma of a thoughtful, compassionate son.

And now for Brag #2.

A few Sundays ago I was picking Nathan up from the church nursery after worship services were over. There is a big, open window between the hallway and the main nursery room. You hand your child and their paraphernalia through the open window rather than open the door and possibly let another child out into the hallway. While I was waiting in line to claim Nathan I was talking to our friends Chris and Holley. Holley is the daughter of some of our best friends and they had just picked up their baby son, Kael, from the nursery.

As Nathan approached the window he suddenly pointed out the window and shouted, "That's my Jesus!" Chris, Holley and I looked at each other, wondering what he was talking about. Did he mean Chris, or baby Kael, or someone else, or what on earth was going through his little head? By the time I got Nathan out Chris and Holley were gone.

We walked down to the foyer to meet Clinton and Matthew. There I spotted Chris and Holley. I asked Nathan if he saw his Jesus anywhere. He looked around, pointed at Chris and said again, "That's my Jesus!"

Okay, so he did mean Chris. I can understand his mistake. Chris is a nice-looking young man, very friendly, tall and slim with curly brown hair and nicely-trimmed facial hair.

I had no idea Nathan "knew" what Jesus looked like. We've read some books about Jesus and such, but I had never really thought about them as profile pictures of the Messiah.

It was a full week later before I realized the true significance of what transpired. Nathan had said MY Jesus. Not, "There's Jesus!" or "There's Mommy's Jesus!" MY Jesus.

It's very encouraging to know that SOMETHING is getting into their heads, and their hearts.

PS - It only took me 3 trips to the computer today to get this written. :)

It's a Woman's Perogative to Change Her Mind

2010-07-02T14:34:00.001-05:00

For years now, I've pictured it.

Heaven. The Pearly Gates. Jesus welcoming me in and saying, "Well Done, Good and Faithful Servant."

I've thought for decades that those are the words I want to hear when I get there. He'll smile, speak those words and I will mutter under my breath "Yes! I've loved and served my Lord with my whole heart, mind, soul and strength and now I get to spend ETERNITY with HIM! Whoo-hoo!"

But recently I've started to change my mind.

Not about where I spend eternity or with whom, but what I want Him to say to me when I get there.

I mean, yes, I still want to hear the Good and Faithful Servant part, but now I want more.

Call me selfish.

In a previous post I briefly touched on the progression of relationship with Jesus, per John & Stasi Eldredge in their book "Captivating."

You might recall that the Scriptures use a number of metaphors to describe our relationship with God. We are portrayed as clay, and he is the potter. We are sheep, and he the shepherd. Each metaphor is beautiful and speaks to the various seasons of our spiritual lives and to the various aspects of God's heart toward us. But have you notice they ascend in a stunning way? From potter and his clay to a shepherd and his sheep, there is a marked difference in intimacy, in the way they relate. It gets even better. From master and servant to father and child, there is a wonderful progression into greater intimacy. It grows more beautiful and rich when he calls us his friends. But what is most breathtaking is when God says he is our Lover (our Bridegroom, our Fiance'), and we his bride. That is the pinnacle, the goal of our redemption (used in the last chapter of the Bible, when Christ returns for his bride) and the most intimate and romantic of all. p. 114

So that's the thing. I don't want to be "just" a servant. While I am honored at the privilege, I don't want to stop there. I don't even want to settle for being His friend, although that is totally crazy to think about in itself. (Me? His FRIEND? Are you kidding? Mind-boggling!)

This is what I long to hear Him say to me,

My lover spoke and said to me,

"Get up, my darling;

let's go away, my beautiful one.

Look, the winter is past;

the rains are over and gone.

Blossoms appear through all the land.

The time has come to sing;

the cooing of doves is heard in our land.

There are young figs on the fig trees,

and the blossoms on the vines smell sweet.

Get up, my darling;

let's go away, my beautiful one."

Song of Solomon 2:10-13 NCV

I don't deserve it. I don't understand it. But somehow, by His love and grace, I am His Beloved.

You can be, too.

What would you like Him to say to you?

Father Knows Best

2010-06-22T17:00:00.000-05:00

Currently I am juggling two big (for me) writing projects. First of all I am working on my first film for Talk Your Legg Off Productions. (http://talkyourleggoff.com) Secondly I am co-writing our church's Christmas program. I've been plugging away at them for some time now, but recently I had another idea for Talk Your Legg Off. It's a speech I've had in my head for a few years now but haven't had the occasion (okay, the deadline) to sit down and put it all together.

I've wondered for a few weeks about slipping this speech in as my first official TYLO project. It would be easier on all counts -- to write, to film, to edit, to post. It's a speech, right? How hard could that be to film and edit? The more I thought about it, the more I liked it. That would be an excellent way to get my feet wet and get myself "out there" in preparation for the bigger idea. This all made a lot of sense to me.

However, it's been my experience that whatever path makes the most common sense is usually the least likely to be the path God wants.

Earlier in the week I had agreed to come up with a name for the main character for the Christmas program. While going through my book one name struck me more than any other -- Amos. I knew I was supposed to use the name Amos, although as a first or last name I didn't know. I finally settled on Amos Duke. Amos means "burden" and Duke means "leader." A burdened leader is exactly who this character is, and so I intended to see what Jeff and Tom thought about it, although I hadn't quite made it that far yet.

Saturday afternoon I got pretty discouraged about the film when I realized my software wasn't going to do all I needed it to do. This means I've got to research other software, be sure my computer will handle it, make sure it's compatible with my camera, make sure it does all the things I may ever need it to do, etc and so on.

This is less than an exciting prospect. Did I ever mention to you that I am completely a techno-idiot? I don't KNOW what I need, and I don't know enough to know what I need to know but don't know. UGH! I'd rather go to the dentist than try to figure all this out. Too much for my little brain to handle. Total overwhelm. Hyperventilation hadn't started yet but I could feel the panic rising.

Deep down I suspected that my desire to stick this speech into my schedule was my own way of (not) dealing with my technology issues. "This will be easy to do, and when I accomplish this I'll feel better about myself and then I'll be able to tackle the film." Makes sense, right?   Right! Someone explain that to God for me, please.

Saturday night I asked the Lord to provide me with some guidance. "Lord, if you want me to do the speech first, give me some fresh insights for it." Then I went to bed, expecting to hear something from the Lord, probably at church the next morning.

Oftentimes I get ideas during our minister's sermons. Something he says triggers a thought, which triggers something else. This sermon was no exception, just not in the way I planned.

Craig started relating a story about when he was in bible college and was visiting a family for supper. When the meal was over the father got his bible and started to thumb through it. "I didn't know what was going on there," Craig said. "Gonna read something from the book of Amos tonight, I don't know."

Wait. What did he just say? Of all the things he could have said, he mentioned the name Amos. In a sermon. When is the last time you heard the name Amos in a sermon that wasn't based on the book of Amos? When is the last time you heard a sermon from the book of Amos? Coincidence? Nope. I've been around enough to know that was a God-incidence. God was confirming to me to hang in there with the Christmas program. Oh, and that I was on the right track with the name.

It wasn't until after church was over that I got confirmation on the TYLO film. That confirmation was even cooler that the first one, but...I can't tell you about it right now. If I do, it will give away too much about the the film and it will ruin it for you.

Believe me, I am DYING to tell you because it is SO COMPLETELY COOL, but rest assured, after the film comes out (whenever that may be) I will share the story. Hang tight.

The important thing, though, is that I didn't get ANYTHING for the speech. God was confirming what I secretly suspected all along but wasn't thrilled to hear -- stay with the two big projects I have going and quit messing around with the little stuff. Maybe later He'll let me film the speech, but for now, let's stick with what we have going already.

And I am completely cool with that. It took a sermon, and other God-incidences, on Father's Day to remind me that He does, in fact, know best.

PS -- I'm looking into purchasing software similar to what our worship minister uses. If it's what I need, I'll have my very own live Help Desk. That is DEFINITELY a good thing.

Hello, My Name Is...

2010-06-12T15:45:00.001-05:00

When I became a Christian years ago I learned about the Holy Spirit.

When you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart God raised Him from the dead you will be saved (Romans 10:9). Repent and be baptized... for the forgiveness of your sins and you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit (Acts 2:38).

When I pictured, in my mind, living a life guided by the Holy Spirit, I saw myself walking in step with Him in all ways and at all times. I would be so in tuned with Him that I wouldn't even need to think about what I was doing, He would just flow in me and through me, guiding my every action.

It wasn't until (many) years later that I realized that what I was picturing in my head wasn't really the Holy Spirit.

It was The Force.

Yes, okay, I'm a product of my generation. Star Wars is part of my cultural makeup.

The idea of the Spirit flowing through me in this way is not necessarily an inaccurate picture, but it is incomplete. For instance, it's hard to have a relationship with a Force.

"Good morning, Force! I love you!"
"Whang...whang...whang..."

Not really working for me.

Fortunately, the Spirit is not a force. He is a person. The third member of the trinity. Our counselor, comforter, strength and guide. The Still, Small Voice that leads us.

If Jesus is The Word and the Spirit is The Voice...I should be able to hear Him talk, right?

I am learning to do just that. I mean, I do hear from Him, usually an impression or a check in my spirit or through scripture or so many other ways. But to hear His voice, actual words...it is a process. I'll never get it 100% correct, but as I continue to grow in relationship with Him it will become easier to hear His voice.

All of this I've known for a while and have been trying to put into practice. This week, however, I realized how deeply ingrained the concept of The Spirit As The Force is in me.

I've started to realize I need...well...a bit of a prayer upgrade.

Yes, I pray as I go throughout the day. I pray for myself, Clinton, Matthew and Nathan, friends and family, different needs as I encounter them through the day, seeking guidance and wisdom and insight...but am I really praying, as I should be? As I could be?

I think sometimes I sort of half-pray. I THINK the prayers, but I'm not sure how much actual focus, purpose, intention I put into them. And certainly most of the time I don't ask what to pray and wait to hear the answer like I should. (Who, me? Not listen? Too busy talking? Distracted and discombobulated? Ah, my friends, you know me well.)

I guess on some level I rely too much on Romans 8:26b, We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. Maybe I subconsciously assume He will simply fill in ALL the blanks.

I think it's like living with someone.   You can inhabit the same house but that doesn't mean you have a close relationship, or even any relationship.   You've got to talk to each other, communicate, spend time together.

Clinton can walk through the house and I can tell what kind of mood he's in by the weight of his footsteps. I can hear the pouting tone of Matthew's voice even before I nag him to practice his piano lesson. I know if I raise my eyebrow just right that Nathan will go into a giggle fit.

I know these things because I spend time with them. I watch them and try to learn about them. We are familiar with each other.   But there is always more to learn, more to discover, more nuances and details to be revealed.

Don't get me wrong. I do meet with Him, usually several times a day. It's amazing what insights can come when you're folding laundry. I'm learning and growing all the time. I'm becoming more and more familiar . God and I are good, but can always get better. I just need to be a little more focused, a little more purposeful.

So if you say something to me and I don't answer right away, hang on, I'll be with you in a minute. I'm talking with God.

Memorial Day Failures

2010-06-01T21:46:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was Memorial Day. A day set aside to remember those who fought and died for my freedom as an American. Oh, and a federal holiday. That is, unless you are a farmer. National Day Off or not, if the fields are ready, you farm.

It was also a day I fought a major battle for my own freedom.

Through the last year I've become more aware of the concept of spiritual warfare. I hadn't really experienced it in full force until the last few weeks. God has been leading me forward into new areas of creativity and ministry since February (see www.talkyourleggoff.com), and there has been some opposition along the way, but the serious attack began about 3 weeks ago.

I don't know if it's simply my writer's mind or what, but this battle had a theme: Failure. Every area of my life was affected, from potty training Nathan to cooking to co-leading women's ministry to my relationship with Clinton to planting flowers. EVERY TIME I tried to do ANYTHING it would go wrong, and I would hear in my mind, "FAIL! FAIL! FAIL! I'm a screw-up. I can't do it right. It's all my fault. I am a failure as a mom. A failure as a wife. A failure as a women's ministry leader. I have been, am, and will always be a failure."

I've dealt with my own negative thinking in the past, but this was...stronger. Heavier. More. Wave after wave after wave knocked me down, ocean tides continued to roll in with no let up in sight. Just as I'd stand up and get my bearings another would hit. I have been close to tears every single moment of the day for weeks. I could sense it beginning to take a permanent toll.

The worst part was that I KNEW there was a spiritual component to all of this. Deep down I KNEW this was the enemy and it was all lies. But it FELT true. I kept being presented with overwhelming evidence to support that I was a failure. To add insult to injury, I felt too weak and powerless to even think of trying to fight.

I finally hit a crossroads yesterday morning while I was getting ready for the day. I knew that if I continued on this path it would only get worse. I've been down roads like this before. I have no intention of going back. Ever.

Not by my might. Not by my power. But by His Spirit.

I'm usually a go-it-alone kind of gal. God and I, we can handle it. No need to bother anyone else. It takes A LOT for me to ask for help, even just to ask for prayer for myself. But I knew I needed the strength of others, the support of my brothers and sisters in Christ.

I finished getting ready and quickly messaged some of my most prayerful friends. I committed myself and my schedule to serious time with God in the afternoon (Nathan's naptime) to draw strength and truth from His word and bind the enemy and cast him out. Even with His strength and with others interceding for me, I wasn't sure what would happen. In preparation I began listening to my iPod and various music and podcasts, including getting caught up on my One Year Daily Audio Bible podcast.

Brian Hardin, who leads the Daily Audio Bible community and reads for the podcast, was on his way to Africa. Until he could get set up there his wife, Jill Parr, was reading in his place.

The weight had started lifting, just a bit, after I made the decision to seek help earlier in the morning, but it was by no means gone. The prayer at the end of this podcast confirmed to me that I was on the right track. In fact, it was a major turning point.

Here are Jill's exact words from her prayer at the end of the reading:

I thank you, God, that your word is truth and I thank you that it is the truth that sets us free. But so many of us, instead of choosing to believe the truth, we believe the lie because the lie seems more believable than the truth. So God, I’m asking that every person that is listening now would know the truth, would choose the truth of how you see them, that we are not miserable failures, that we are not sinners, God, that we are saints saved by grace, forever striving to be more like you. I thank you, God, that your word breathes life into our weary bodies, our broken spirits, our crushed emotional beings. You come to heal the brokenhearted and to set the captive free. God, we’re wounded people. Each of us has a story, but we have been defined by that story for so long, God, that we forget that our identity comes through you and in you. God, please help us believe that we are everything that you say that we are. Help us to choose the truth, to believe the truth, and to walk in truth. In your name I pray, amen. (emphasis mine)

I fully realize that I'm not the only one who needed to hear God speak those words yesterday, but I KNOW He intended that message for me, too. I have been praying Psalm 43:3 a lot lately -- Send Your light and Your truth, let them lead me. Jill's prayer spoke Light and Truth, calming the ocean tides into a glassy pond.

I wanted to be sure I could always remember this and go back to it to see God's faithfulness. I took up 12 pages in my prayer journal writing all of this and more. (You are obviously reading an extremely edited version.)

I am free. Oh, I'm sure sometimes I'll feel like a miserable failure again. Probably a lot of that will be my own negative thinking issues and not an all out enemy attack. But now I have a defense, and I have my own plan of attack.

This time, the enemy's power started to crack when I decided I had to do something, anything. Asking for prayer dealt a serious blow. The actual prayers added the strength and faith I needed to not give up. Jill's prayer had the effect of an obliterating assault, and all I really had to do that afternoon was show up and walk into the light and truth of God's word.

I am not a miserable failure. I am God's Beloved. How fitting that my freedom came on Memorial Day.

My prayer is that by sharing this you will be able to have your own Memorial Day.

Lions and Kings and Movie Quotes, Oh My!

2010-05-21T13:54:00.001-05:00

"The gweat kings of da past up dere, watch ovuh us."

If you mention The Lion King around Nathan, that is usually his reply. Dramatic wave of the arm, eyes lifted up, the whole nine yards. Yes, my nearly-3-year-old may have been watching a little too much TV lately.

I don't know if this is the reason that I have lions on the brain or not...

In fact, lions are a refreshing change from the huge focal points of my recent thought life: the geneaology of Jesus and Prairie Home Companion. Yeah, I know. "Work" related stuff. More on those another time...

In spite of all the dissimilar subject matter rattling my tiny brain I managed to make a connection about Jesus and Satan through the lions. (Get it? Yeah, I know, that was terrible.)

One of the descriptions of Jesus is as the Lion of Judah. When I hear this I always picture a stately, strong lion, protective yet kind, able to attack when necessary yet would prefer not to. Okay, maybe I'm at least slightly influenced by Aslan from The Chronicles of Narnia, but I don't believe that is unintentional. CS Lewis wrote the character with that in mind.

The comparison to the Enemy comes from 1 Peter 5:8, Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. For some reason I picked up on the word LIKE in this passage.

Satan is not a lion. He pretends to be one. He is a poser. A fake. He thinks he's all that and is trying to get us to buy into his lie. But the "lion who lies down with the lamb" he most decidedly is not.

And, yes, it is true that the Enemy is intent on doing everything he can to draw us away from Jesus, and he does want to devour our hearts. But, in the end, the poser lion is no match for The Lion of Judah, just as Scar is no match for the grown Simba.

Good news for me that The Great King of the Past, Present and Future is not only watching over us from up there, but from inside as well.

I guess the song, "He Lives In You" from Lion King 2 is truer than they know.

Since I KNOW the suspense is KILLING you... ;)

2010-05-11T12:53:00.000-05:00

I do a lot of juggling.

Not plates or balls or chainsaws, but responsibilities and projects and even the occasional "fun" thing.

Currently my Commas are as follows: beloved of Jesus, farmer and business owner's wife, mother of 2 active boys, Sidetracked Home Executive, co-leader of women's ministry, member of the planning team for ladies' day, member of a local philanthropic organization, writer, blogger, occasional speaker, bible study leader, co-writer of First Christian's Christmas program, and online shopper extraordinaire (which you are out of necessity if you live where I do) . I even manage to fit in working out many days, although clearly not as many days as I need to.

This is not a "woe is me I'm so busy blah blah blah" post. I am NOT complaining in the least, nor am I trying to compare my busyness with anyone else's. I am, however, reevaluating all of my responsibilities and praying about which to give up.

The reason for this reeval is quite simply that the Lord is presenting me with an offer I can't refuse. Twenty plus years of theatrical appreciation (I won't go so far as to call what I have "training" or "skill"), of writing and directing and gleaning knowledge have led me to this place.

I am adding film maker to my list of commas. Talk Your Legg Off Productions is now as up and running as it's going to be. Of course, all that tangibly means is that I have a website (talkyourleggoff.com), YouTube and Vimeo accounts, a new camera and software, and a whole lot of learning in front of me.

As far as the intangibles, I have twenty plus years of experiences in writing, directing and producing in my tiny corner of the world, and I have a calling. Truly an example of "God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called."

As I relate at talkyourleggoff.com, a couple of months ago I asked God if I was doing all He wanted with my calling as a speaker. The word "YouTube" flashed in my mind. Through what I can only describe as Holy Spirit insight, I knew I was supposed to produce skits and speeches and post them online. In short order He gave me the name Talk Your Legg Off and the solid idea for my first film, which for me helped to confirm the calling.

Only problem is, I have no idea how I'll fit this in to my life. This will be a MAJOR time commitment. Some things will likely have to go, but every time I ask I don't get any answers. So, I'm taking a Wait and See approach. He will reveal the excess as He sees fit.

I do believe I'm to keep this blog, and keep it in pretty much the same format, so that's one question answered, many to go. I know, right now you are breathing a sigh of relief. Ha-ha-ha. :)

Keep breathing, and keep checking back. You may even want to head over to talkyourleggoff.com and see what there is to see. And if not, that's cool, too.

For now, I'm praying Psalm 43:3&4, which He gave me shortly after I got my marching orders: "Send Your light and Your truth; let them lead me. Let them bring me to Your holy mountain, to Your dwelling place. Then I will come to the altar of God, to God, my greatest joy."

It's in my love affair with God, in doing the things I am made to do, in following The Light and The Truth, that will lead me to my greatest joy.

High Points and Low Points

2010-05-04T10:32:00.001-05:00

Sorry I haven't posted in a while. 2 weeks ago it was farming insanity and writing a speech in my head. Last week I spent every spare moment writing the speech. FINALLY last night I gave the speech and while I think my delivery could stand some improvement, overall it was a positive experience for the audience. All along my prayer was from John 12:49, that God would tell me what to say and how to say it, and to the best of my knowledge (and ability) that seems to be what happened. God is so amazing!

That was the high point. The low point has been the complete lack of progress in potty training. Major, major plateau. Nathan's got the whole Number One thing down, but I'm nearly convinced he will attend college going Number 2 in his underwear. I run the gamut emotionally from insane fury that he refuses to even try, to failure mode that I've irreparably screwed him up, to despair and resignation. He'll start preschool in the fall. I guess time will tell if he actually gets to attend.

On a lighter note, I have some new projects in the works that are too new to talk about here, but I hope to have details for you soon. Stay tuned!

Where did I park my Focus?

2010-04-20T15:31:00.000-05:00

I purchased everything I needed. Clinton helped me set up the decorations, videos and books. I had the seat set up in the appropriate room. I had prayed and prayed and prayed. I even checked the Farmer's Almanac to be sure it was the best time.

And it was.

And it worked.

Mostly.

On Friday, April 9, I potty-trained Nathan using the book "Potty Train Your Child in Just One Day" by Teri Crane. I had planned to blog last week about how well the book worked for Nathan.

If you follow her plan, it can work.

If you only partially follow, you may have a major problem on your hands.

Friday was okay. Saturday started out shaky but he really was getting the hang of it that afternoon. Sunday showed continued promise.

Monday came. It all went down the tubes--literally and figuratively.

I had thought I would have at least another week before Clinton got into the field to begin planting. I was wrong. Oh, so wrong.

Between meals and other farming chaos, final rehearsals for my Ladies' Day skit, Matthew's 3 track meets, trying to convince the family that it would all work out just fine if I left for two days, and just keeping my head above water with the house, I lost the battle.

I had planned to have the whole week relatively free to be able to drop everything when needed to help continue Nathan's success. The reality was that it was one of the most frustrating, nerve-racking, tear-filled weeks I have ever had. No exaggeration. There was not a single day last week I didn't break down sobbing at least once. No PMS involved.

I was SO ready for Ladies' Day.

It was obvious that God had been at work in this event long before we started planning. Everything from the anointing on the speakers to the weather to the decorations to the timing of everything was truly amazing. Other than the fact that it was very cool that morning, Ladies' Day was absolutely perfect.

It wasn't until keynote speaker Linda Mirante's second speech that I received what I needed, the message I had come to hear.

One word.

FOCUS.

She began by saying that when you have a bad day, you need to ask yourself, "What did I focus on today?" I don't tend to be a very focused, driven person anyway, but I realized that I had had NO focus WHATSOEVER that week. Or rather, I had no GOOD focus. My focus had been on my distractions, duties, discouragements, and disasters. I was looking around me when I needed to be looking up.

So that is the word that keeps coming to me this week as I try to repair the damage and continue on. Focus on the next thing I need to do. Focus on the child and not the clock (So lunch is 45 minutes late. They'll get over it eventually). Focus on The One who has it ALL under control, if only I will get my grubby mitts off and give my chaos to Him.

FOCUS.

The Purple-eyed Monster, or Envy's Close Cousin

2010-04-02T21:36:00.001-05:00

Okay, I guess I don't know for sure that Pride is purple-eyed, but I thought it sounded good. You know, purple is the traditional color of royalty and when I am steeped in pride I consider my opinions to be more valid and important and reliable than God's and therefore I make myself out to be royalty versus the real royalty of the King of Kings... (Whoa. Okay. Stop. Take a breath. Inhale. Exhale. Better now.) :)

It seems that God has more to teach me, using my "Envy lesson" from last week as a springboard .

Webster's says Pride is a "high opinion of one's worth." For me, the connotation is that this worth is higher than everyone else's. A prideful person feels that they are better than others, that their opinion is the correct one, the only one that matters in the end.

It's occurred to me recently that the opposite is also true. Thinking that you are worse than everyone else is also pride.

"Okay, um, HUH? What did you just say?"

I believe that when I am down on myself I am just as prideful as being "up" on myself.

Whether my opinion of myself is for good or for bad, if it differs from God's opinion of me, it's wrong. Moreover, it's sin. Pride.

Romans 14:23 says, "Whatever is not from faith is sin." Any time I trust or believe my own opinion over God's, I am in defiance of God. Sin.

Now, we are also called to "think of ourselves with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given us." (Rom 12:3) Complete honesty. Total openness. Based on GOD'S WORD, not on my own fickle feelings or whims of the world.

How does He see me?

As clay He is molding.

More than that, as a sheep He is leading.

More than that, as a servant He is charging.

More than that, as a child He is teaching.

More than that, as a friend He is confiding.

More than that, as The Beloved He is pursuing, wooing, loving.

Hmmm. I like that. That sounds a whole lot better than what I have been thinking.

(progression of relationship courtesy of John Eldredge)

When green is not so becoming

2010-03-24T20:58:00.001-05:00

I follow several blogs. If you're interested in them you can scroll down this page and peruse them to your heart's content.

I am loving reading these and am learning a lot, but I must admit, these blogs have one big flaw.

The writers are WAY too talented.

Okay, yes, it's true, I admit it. I have fallen prey to the green-eyed monster. I look at the obvious talent and anointing of these bloggers and I think to myself, "I wish I'd thought of that! If only I had an abundance of writing ideas like she does, or her eloquence, or tenacity, or wisdom, or sense of humor, or heck, just her sense!"

Hello, my name is Debbie, and I'm an envy-aholic. Well, okay, maybe not quite that bad, but there are times.

Jealousy for me doesn't manifest itself in a "mean girl," out-to-getcha kind of way. I turn inward, berating myself for a lack of discipline, agonizing over my failure to be motivated, counting off any number of other real or imagined faults, and finally succumb to my defeatist thought patterns.

Yeah, I know. None of that is really helpful. Or from God. As soon as I start comparing my measure of talent with another's seemingly greater measure it cracks open a door for The Enemy. And of course, he takes full advantage. The Devil doesn't make me do it, but he never misses an opportunity to take the ball and run with it.

*** *** *** *** ***

It's now 30 minutes later. I've worked for 2 minutes on a speech, gotten Nathan up from his nap, folded and put away a load of laundry, and nearly finished eating my second package of Finding Nemo fruit snacks. Avoidance takes many forms.

It was clear to me early this morning that I was to post today, but I had no idea it would be on this topic. I also had no idea it would be such a personal struggle.

God is trying to tell me something. Somewhere inside me, I don't want to hear it. He wants to go deeper into my heart in this area than I've let Him go before. I'm afraid to feel that pain, even though I know He wants to heal it. I have to walk through it to get to the other side. And yet I am resistant to the freedom. Of course, The Enemy doesn't want me any closer to God, so he wants to run with the ball again. But this time I'm not going to throw it to him.

As I was folding the towels, wondering at the source of my resistance, a phrase came to my mind: "Five Loaves and Two Fish." This is a concept I'm familiar with and that I have posted on before, but not quite in this way. I immediately knew what He was saying, but I needed to write it to clarify it in my own mind.

The story of the feeding of the five thousand appears in all four gospels, but only in John does it mention that the loaves and fish belonged to a poor young boy. He brought what he had to eat that day--five loaves and two fish--and gave it to Jesus.

Obviously he didn't think what I would have, "My little lunch is too small and insignificant to make much difference." He knew it wouldn't be enough to feed all of the people. He didn't worry that other boys might have had bigger lunches. He simply offered what he had to God to do as He saw fit. And it was enough. More than enough.

What if he had left the house that morning with six loaves and three fish? Would that have been a significantly larger gift in the grand scheme of the miracle to come? Even if he'd brought an entire banquet, in reality, it wouldn't have made but miniscule difference. The miracle wasn't in the gift itself.

And we all know the rest of the story.

So the message to me today, the loving insight that speaks healing to places in my heart that have been quietly festering for decades, is this: It's not the size of the gift--the amount of talent--that matters, it's what God can do with it. He isn't limited by size. In fact, many times He prefers to do great works with things "as small as a mustard seed." But first I have to offer my measure of talent to Him.

My purpose is not to be "better," "worse" or "as good as" anyone else. My purpose is to listen and obey and do the best I can.

To that end, I offer this blog and all the posts as gifts to God to use and multiply when, if and how He sees fit. I'm excited to see Him in action. And I'm looking forward to following all my favorite blogs with a renewed sense of wonder and gratitude for any measure I've been given.

No-Repeat Week

2010-03-15T14:41:00.000-05:00

YES! It's finally Monday!

No I'm not insane, especially as this weekend was the time change to Daylight Savings and we all seem to be feeling the effects. Last week was a week I do not care to repeat.

Last Sunday, Clinton left for 2 days to attend the ACMI meeting in Indianapolis. I usually try to go with him and leave the boys with my in-laws, but with it being 2 overnights we thought that would be too much for Nathan right now. It was a good thing I didn't go. Or, I should say, a GOD-THING I didn't go.

We've known for a few months that my father-in-law, Terry, needed open-heart surgery. The medical staff had said would probably be scheduled for later in March, a week or two away at least. Monday afternoon my mother-in-law, Carolyn, called me. They wanted him to come Wednesday. As in two days away. Tuesday would be spent in prep with surgery first thing Wednesday morning. She was in a near total panic trying to make arrangements, phone calls, etc. Good thing she didn't have my boys through Tuesday as we'd planned or they wouldn't have been able to do it. GOD-THING!

Clinton's sister, Amy, who lives in Dallas, travels a lot with her job. As it turned out, she was in Indianapolis for a meeting that got out at 3:00 on Tuesday. Clinton's meeting got out at noon. He was able to pick her up from the meeting and drive her back with him. What are the chances of that? Not a coincidence. A God-incidence. GOD-THING!

Clinton and Amy arrived home shortly before 6:00. I pulled in to Terry and Carolyn's driveway a little after 6:00 with pizza for everyone. Rachel, the youngest sister who lives in St Louis, pulled into the driveway as I was unloading the pizza. GOD-THING! We were all able to spend a wonderful evening together before Dad's surgery on Wednesday. GOD-THING!

There is a special Legg family story involving the Fruit of the Spirit that I won't share with you now, but guess what verse was part of my devotional on Wednesday morning? You guessed it! You're so smart! Galatians 5:22, "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control." Coincidence? I think not! A small reassurance that He had it all under control. GOD-THING!

While the rest of the family was at the hospital, my job was to keep the home front running as normal as possible for Matthew and Nathan and be the point of contact to disseminate information as it became available. I'm fairly good at talking, so this was no stretch for me.

Dad's surgery was delayed a couple of times on Wednesday. Before leaving for Wednesday Night Family Night at church I got an update, which I was able to share with our church family -- still in surgery, going well, likely a few more hours. After the meal as Craig, our Senior Minister, was praying, my cell phone rang. Surgery was finished and he came through it very well! I'm sure it was rather hilarious to watch me bent over, to try to get underneath the table to corral a loud, playful Nathan, talking as quietly as possible on my cell while everyone else was solemnly lifting prayers to The Lord. But, as Craig finished, I was able to stand up, wave my hands around and announce the wonderful news. Could the timing have worked out that way by chance? No way! GOD-THING!

Oh, and some dear friends, Gary and Mary, had a new grandson on Wednesday, so we were able to rejoice and relay that happy information as well. Great news on a very stressful day. GOD-THING!

Wednesday night I collapsed into bed, missing my husband and emotionally exhausted. My cell phone battery was also collapsing, so I plugged it in to recharge. Little did I know what Thursday would hold.

Our dear friend Beth's dear mother, Earline, had had a procedure done on Tuesday that was apparently, um, how can I say this delicately, SCREWED UP! She went in Thursday afternoon for emergency surgery that successfully fixed the main problem. Hurray! However, as a consequence of the initial screw up, she developed kidney failure, a bad infection and other complications that now have her on a ventilator. We are praying for her and the entire family, and are grateful for cell phones, email and Facebook to keep us up to date with the latest.

All of the house phones needed to be charged by the end of Thursday.

Friday and Saturday included much more relaying of info, keeping life as normal as possible, and picking up any pieces that needed to be picked up.

Sunday afternoon (yesterday) Terry got to come home and we were all thrilled. Unfortunately, Earline is still in the hospital and not getting any better yet. Info continues to be relayed, prayers continue to be lifted, and phones continue to recharge.

We are all still a bit wrung out, but I'm sure we're not nearly as bad as Earline and her family. But I do know (and Beth, Earline and the family know as well) that God is there with them and will see them through. My biggest prayer right now is that a week from today, Earline will be miraculously improved and we will have many more God-things to share.

Puttin' My Hand in The Hand

2010-03-06T10:42:00.001-06:00

For the past, I don't know, 6 months or so, Psalm 37:23&24 has been a theme in my life:

A man's steps are established by the Lord,

and He delights in his way.

Even though he falls, he will not be overwhelmed,

because the Lord holds his hand.

As the mother of a toddler, I totally identify.

No matter where we go, if we're walking, Nathan is right there beside me, or at least in very close proximity. When we begin to cross the parking lot or walk where the ground is uneven, I grab his hand. That way even if he does trip, he may get a skinned knee, but he's not going all the way down. No bloody noses or bruised foreheads. No teeth knocked out. No major damage. If he starts to pull away, I can (gently) yank him back. It's also a chance to rub my fingers over his sweet baby hand or give a little squeeze to convey how much I love him.

Same with God and me. He's got my hand. He watches out for me, keeping me from tripping over rocky relationships. He yanks me back when I strain ahead towards danger I can't see. I may get my foot wet from stepping in the pothole, but I won't be sprawled out on the concrete. And I can give His hand a little squeeze just as He can squeeze mine. The mental picture I have of Him guiding me, protecting me and loving me never fails to bring a smile to my face and a thrill to my heart.

That is, unless I let go. If I'm determined to wriggle "free," He'll let me. If I sneer at Him and say, "I do it myself!" then He'll oblige.

On my own can be a very scary place.

I think I'll hang on.

How about you?

A Spoonful of Grace Helps the Judgement Go Down

2010-02-25T16:20:00.000-06:00

Today I had the privilege of reading Heather's latest blog entry on freelybroken.blogspot.com. In it she candidly shares her struggle with being judgmental. I wanted to post a comment on her blog about what helps me in that area, but then I decided that, as long-winded as I can be, it might be better to blog on it myself.

So what do I do to combat being judgmental? (I use the word combat on purpose, because it is definitely a battle) Two things that are closely related.

A) In my experience, most of the time people hurt us unintentionally. I can't take the offense (real or made up) personally. The Rude Cashier didn't mean for the comment to sound so harsh. The Stupid Driver didn't single me out to cut me off, I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. My Friend didn't intend to make that horrible decision to aggravate me, something else must be going on in her life. Don't take it personally. Try to give the benefit of the doubt. A little grace can go a long way.

Even if we suspect what they did WAS intentional, what better way to diffuse it and make it stop than to let it roll off? Truthfully, nothing gets my goat more than someone who won't fight with me when I want them to, but it does take two to tangle. Yes, I will be a little perturbed that you're not going to be baited, but really, it will be so fun for you to watch my reaction. (Okay, my human nature is coming out) It's also helpful to remember Proverbs 19:11, A man's wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense. I usually have to quote it to myself early and often.

2) I remind myself that I do not have all the information on a person or situation. For all I know, the Rude Cashier may just have learned that her mother is dying of cancer. The Stupid Driver may be losing his job at the end of the week. My Friend who made a stupid decision might be influenced by people or situations I know nothing about. There is nearly always more to the story than I know at the time.

This is the way that I try to react when confronted with Rude Cashier: "Wow, she seems to be having a bad day. I wonder why? Did I do something to contribute to it and need to apologize? No. Is there anything I can do to help turn her day around? Yes. I can be sure to smile at her and tell her 'Thank you.' I can try to lighten the day with a funny observation. Above all, I can pray for her, that God will meet her where she is right now and shine His light into her life. That He would send His comfort and strength, wisdom and understanding into whatever situation she is facing today. That I can be His hands and feet to her."

I'll be the first (and loudest) to admit that I don't always succeed in this. But I am trying to follow Romans 12:2 and "no longer conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of my mind." Transformation takes both time and the power of the Holy Spirit.

God overlooks the hundreds of times each day that I snub him. He forgives me when I'm harsh with my kids and my husband. He waits patiently when I cut Him off before He's finished talking to me. The least I can do is try to extend that same grace to others.

Creativity In All Its Forms

2010-02-18T22:06:00.000-06:00

I believe that women, in general, are pretty good at multi-tasking.

I'm not quite as good at it as some. It seems I can handle several small things at once (I am, after all, a mom), but big projects? One at a time, please.

I finally sent my skit to be edited and I guess my brain decided it needed to take a break. So in place of creatively writing, I've been creatively decluttering.

I don't like a lot of "stuff". Clutter stresses me out. I'm not a collector. My preferred style of decorating is minimalist. Of course, I'm married to a pack rat, so our house is a happy medium.

However, one thing I do seem to collect is information. I am a pack rat of paper. So this week I've done a complete 180 from writing. Rather than create more papers I am flinging paper. Flylady would be proud. I even came prepared with a new box of band-aids on hand for the inevitable paper cuts.

There are several places in my kitchen and office that have become repositories for paper clutter. I want my info close at hand, but then I can't find what I need in the piles, if I remember I have it in the first place. Those places are now either gone or severely edited. Anything I want to save I'm placing in a bin until I get my filing cabinet drawer "flung through" (hopefully next week).

This newly decluttered drawer will be a haven for ideas and other information I find interesting and worth saving. It will be organized. Even if I only have one piece of paper per folder, that paper will have a home in that folder. Hmmmm. I may need to purchase another box of file folders. Or two. Better add that to my shopping list.

You may remember a few weeks back when I posted a picture of my "office space." Here is the before and after:

It feels amazing to have the clutter thrown out, or at least put in temporary housing in the basement while its mansion is being built. I can't wait for next week to tackle that file drawer!

Some may ask why I didn't start with the file drawer and have it ready before sorting the office and kitchen papers. The answer is that I know myself, and if I can accomplish a few smaller tasks and get them out of the way I am more motivated to tackle the bigger task. Starting with the big task can seem too overwhelming.

I guess I'm proof of the old saying, "You can do it all, you just can't do it all at once."

Maybe that makes me a Minimal Multi-tasker...?

Skit happens...

2010-02-05T17:18:00.000-06:00

I've been trying really hard to work on my skit for the Oil Belt Ladies' Day in April.

Last year it was a one-woman skit. This year there are two of us.

Last year if I rewrote the entire thing 5 minutes before I went onstage it was okay. This year Mary has lines to memorize, too, and we'll need to rehearse together.

Ladies' Day is in 10 weeks. I've been making good progress on the skit this week, but I've had to neglect my blog a bit to get it done.

Hopefully I'll be finished very soon and will get a few of the ideas I have off the post it notes and onto the computer.

Stay tuned! :)

Updates and Boundaries

2010-01-22T15:39:00.000-06:00

UPDATE: With this post I am reaching my weekly goal of posting here at least once a calendar week. Yeah me!

The writing for 15 minutes a day is not going so well. I'm procrastinating on my skit. But I've had several ideas for my blog, which is half the battle there. I hope to get a chunk done on the skit this weekend as Matthew will be out of town and I seem to be somewhat caught up on my housework so I won't have my To Do List nagging at me. Nathan and Clinton, however, do remain factors in play... Boo me!

UPDATE: On another note, yes, I gained a few pounds over the holidays. Doing okay (not terrific, but respectable) on the exercise but having no motivation on the eating. But I'm working on it, and Joline and her exemplary eating habits are kicking in my guilt complex. The self-motivation will follow as soon as I'm done with the self-loathing part. Boo me!

NEW STUFF: In addition to the Daily Audio Bible, I listen to the Daily Audio Proverb podcast. One chapter of Proverbs a day, so all of Proverbs in a month, twelve times a year. The ultimate book of wisdom. As you well know, I could definitely use me some wisdom.

Today is the 22nd so we read from Proverbs 22. Something I heard this morning in verse 28 got me to thinking. (No smarty pants comments on that part, please. I've heard it all before.) The Contemporary English Version says, "Do not move a boundary marker set up by your ancestors."

I've always thought of this verse in the physical, property line way, and it certainly does mean that. This verse is good advice for maintaining warm fuzzy feelings with your neighbors. But today it hit me that this verse also applies to boundaries in life.

What I mean here is that the rules haven't changed. What was right and wrong generations ago, even back to "Bible Times," is still right and wrong today. Don't move the line, or the law, based on the whim of the moment.

The laws of physics don't change. The laws of nature don't change. It's as true today as it was yesterday that if you jump off a cliff you will get hurt. It doesn't matter if you think you won't get hurt. It doesn't matter if you think you shouldn't get hurt. The fact is you WILL get hurt. Those property lines haven't budged a millimeter since the dawn of time. Truthfully, they are there as much for our protection as for our limitation.

The laws of right and wrong do not change simply based on what we want right and wrong to be. If you do wrong things you'll pay the consequences. Just because we don't like where the boundary is placed doesn't mean we have the option of moving it to suit our fancy. I realize that many things are not black and white, but some things are, and we need to maintain those boundary lines in order to not lose the deed to the property altogether.

On biblegateway.com, the footnote to Proverbs 22:28; reads "In ancient Israel boundary lines were sacred because all property was a gift from the Lord (see Deuteronomy 19.14)." Time and again in the Old Testament we see the Israelites mess with the spiritual boundaries God gave them until they finally got physically kicked out of the promised land.

I don't know about you, but I would rather not have to pick up and move out of my promised land any time soon.

Goals Schmoals

2010-01-13T15:41:00.018-06:00

So my friend Joline and I are now over 2 months into our workout accountability, and I think it's going well. We both slacked off A BIT during the holidays, but now we're back on track. Yeah for us!

The nice thing is that this accountability seems to be rubbing off into other areas of our lives. As you may remember from last year, Joline blogs at TheCuppaJo. Today she informed me of her writing goals. I thought that was a great idea so I came up with some myself. They are:

1. Post in my blog at least once a week.
2. Write for 15 minutes a day. As Flylady says, you can do anything for 15 minutes. I am also planning to work out for 15-20, declutter for 15, and read for 15. So far in 2010 that has all happened together in a single day, but I am trying.
3. Start a Writer's Group. Praying and seeking guidance on that one, but I believe this is what I'm supposed to do. Hopefully more on that later.
4. Write a kick a** inspiring script for Ladies' Day on April 17. You'll have to come to Ladies' Day to see how I do.

There. I said it. Or rather wrote it. In print. For all the world to see.

YIKES!!!! WHAT HAVE I DONE???!!! AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!! (That's the sound of me running down the road, screaming and pulling my hair out)

Okay, so these are not earth-shattering goals. I didn't say I wanted to write The Great American Novel or The Next Blockbuster Movie. These just might be attainable goals FOR ME. If I keep plugging away (and limit my Facebook time), by the Grace of God I might complete 2010 with something to show for it.

I'll keep you posted.

By the way, I've added a picture of "the office," where I plan to do at least part of the writing, which is really just a converted closet in the kitchen.

I've also posted the bulletin board where I've listed these goals. By the way, no slamming me on the messy desk. I've not decluttered that far yet.

If I'd write it, maybe you'd read it

2010-01-11T19:44:00.000-06:00

Okay, so I haven't posted in a while.

First of all, it seems that I can't put a decent thought together. Every idea I get, I hate. Or I like it in my head but hate it when I see it on the screen. Or I write it and like it but come back to it later and hate it. I'm having this problem on everything from emails to this blog to Facebook comments (believe it or not). Don't even get me started telling you about my children's book, Christmas play or devotions.

On the other hand, I am writing another skit for Oil Belt Christian Service Camp's Ladies' Day (try saying that ten times fast). For some reason that seems to be working. When I have a chance to dig in to it. This isn't a "five minutes here and there" thing for me. I need blocks of time. I don't get those much these days.

Maybe God is trying to tell me something, like I shouldn't be messing around with all the other writing right now. Admittedly, some of it is necessary. Well, okay, the Facebook stuff is just fun.

Maybe I should ask my Writing Boss what He would have me write. And then listen for the answer. And then go do it.

If you need me, I'll be on vacation in the Swiss Alps with Sylvia. At least that's the direction the skit is taking me for now.

Away, and alone, in a manger

2009-12-26T21:53:00.000-06:00

This Christmas season, I found myself pondering the birth of our Lord. For some reason, even though I’ve known the story of Jesus’ birth my whole life, it struck me in a new way this year. It suddenly struck me that Mary and Joseph were alone when Jesus was born, and how unusual that would have been. I guess, in reality, their families could have been there with them, but Luke 2 says that when the shepherds got to the stable they found only Mary, Joseph and the baby.

What was the deal with their families?

I’m especially curious because when a woman is about to give birth she is usually surrounded by family and friends, at the very least by close relatives like her mother.   Where was Mary’s mother?   Where was the rest of Mary’s family? For that matter, what about Joseph’s family?

Clinton had an interesting thought about it. He wondered if maybe they were alone because their families shunned them due to Mary’s pregnancy.   Unmarried daughter claims the child she carries is God’s child, and her fiancée is going to marry her anyway? At the very least they would have been accused of disgraceful behavior, and at the most of being completely insane.   The possibility of the pain and suffering Mary and Joseph may have experienced, through no fault of their own, made me so sad! How lonely they must have felt!

I tried to picture what it could have been like for their families. I would think that both families were surely in Bethlehem at the same time, as both Mary and Joseph were descendants of David. EVERYONE had to go to his own town to be taxed and counted for the census.   Surely their families were there.

How would the families have heard about the baby if they were estranged from Mary and Joseph? Even with Bethlehem full to overflowing with people, a story as unusual as the one the shepherds told would surely have reached every nook and cranny of every street corner. Imagine the possibility that the new grandparents would have heard along with all the rest of Bethlehem about their grandson being born. What would the family members’ reactions have been, hearing that the baby born in a manger was their grandson/nephew/cousin?

What could have been their reaction to the amazing story the shepherds told? Angels declared that Mary and Joseph’s baby was the Christ. Perhaps they reconsidered the truthfulness of what Mary had told them about Jesus’ conception. Do you think they were more likely to have believed the shepherds’ story than the average citizen did?

I felt a glimmer of hope. If they were estranged, could the birth of grandson Jesus have helped to heal the rift? We know that at least by the time Jesus was twelve that He and the Holy Family were surrounded by extended family (Luke 2:44).   Even if they didn’t fully believe He was the promised Messiah, somewhere along the line forgiveness and reconciliation had to have occurred.

Jesus' conception and birth may have caused a rift in his earthly family. I don't really know. But I am comforted that if there was an estrangement, that it seems to have been temporary. Maybe “on earth, peace to men on whom his favor rests” included Jesus’ own family.

Judge for yourselves

2009-11-29T20:13:00.000-06:00

It was a wonderful time.

My family, all 17 of us, were able to be together this Thanksgiving at a rented house on Kentucky's Lake Cumberland. All nine grandsons (That's right. NINE grandsons, ZERO granddaughters) played together well. This is no small feat as five of them are aged 3 and under.

My brother-in-law, the amazing Mike, made all of the Thanksgiving dinner and dessert with the exception of my sister-in-law Vivien's delicious cheesecake. Love those guys who do the culinary school thing! He was even incredibly successful making tur-duck-en despite the fact of not having any butcher's string to hold it all together. I'd never had tur-duck-en before. Chicken wrapped in duck wrapped in turkey with stuffing in there all over the place. FABULOUS! Highly recommended.

Friday morning Vivien, assisted by Clinton and Mike, made a huge breakfast. Viv also made spaghetti for Wednesday night and a wonderful chicken casserole on Friday night, using up the leftovers. Somehow all three of us McClelland kids managed to find spouses who enjoy cooking. We're still trying to find the down side to that one... Lorie, Bill and I are definitely loving it. Mom and I have gladly volunteered for permanent clean-up detail.

And, yes, I have the results of my Fit By Forty challenge to myself. Vivien, a former model, assisted me in my "pose" while photographer Clinton added a few "Work it, baby, work it"s in his best LA accent.

So, thanks to Joline and Weight Watchers, I came to Thanksgiving in my khakis. The khakis even stayed on my body for the entire evening. Mission Accomplished! Whoo-hoo! Jumping Jacks for Joy!

On Monday I'm officially back on the treadmill. 3 great cooks x 3 full days x a plethora of amazing food = the need to burn some major calories before they take up permanent residence again.

Weight Watchers was incredibly helpful in meal planning, and having a milestone birthday as a deadline was a major motivation, but the most important factor in my success has been the accountability my friend Joline. I would probably have skipped several (okay, many) workouts had I not loathed the thought of emailing her my failure report. I hope our mutual accountability society continues. You up for it, Jo?

Now if I can continue with these changes, I may be able to stay in my khakis for the foreseeable future. And who knows, I may get to wear them to our next Thanksgiving celebration.    :)

Fit By Forty x Seven

2009-11-11T17:27:00.000-06:00

It's been one week since I began my "Fit By Forty" quest to lose the weight I've put on in order to fit into my khakis by Thanksgiving/my 40th birthday. Several factors have been in play over this time period.

Thanks to my friend Joline, talented author of the CuppaJo blog and completer of a half-marathon, I am for the first time ever working out with a buddy. Um. Well. Sort of. Joline lives 9 hours away from me in Pennsylvania. That's 550 miles according to Mapquest. She contacted me after my last post and we became accountability partners, encouraging each other in our workouts via email. I've always been a loner in this area, but I must say it is working GREAT for me! You'll have to check out Joline's blog to see how it's working for her. http://thecuppajo.blogspot.com/2009/11/buddy-system.html

Another factor is I've been cooking for 3 hungry farmers this week. When I take them lunch I also take Nathan with me and feed him while the guys eat. I can't feed him and myself at the same time so I usually eat before I go. Lately it's been something meal-replacement-bar-ish. Makes it much easier to plan Weight Watcher points that way and I'm too busy right now to think much about sneaking food later. Protein water and coffee are helping to curb my appetite, so for this week at least I'm able to really watch what I eat.

Haven't tried on the khakis but the scale is showing me some encouraging numbers. The true test, other than the khakis, will be what the scale at the doctor's office says. My annual physical exam is scheduled later this week. Believe me, I'm not excited, but it must be done. We'll see how much The Dreaded Doctor's Office Scale affects my mood and thus my commitment to my program.

Good thing Joline's got Jillian Michaels kicking her butt these days. Actually, I think Jillian is shredding her butt...either way, I'm sure she'll pass that butt-kicking along to me and project me right out of my slump. Hurray for buddies!

Fit By Forty

2009-11-06T17:36:00.000-06:00

It took a while, but it has happened.

In general I am pretty good about watching what I eat. Lately though I've been watching what I eat go in my mouth, down to my lower half and expanding. Two weeks ago when I was running late for church I went to put on my favorite khakis and I could not get them on.

I was HACKED. At myself. I knew I'd been really careless and have noticed my pants getting tighter, but this was the first time this fall I'd tried to wear these particular pants. Apparently I hit the breaking point.

For those of you who know me, just stop with the "Wah wah wah you're so little you don't have anything to worry about blah blah blah." Here is the thing: It doesn't matter what size you are. If you gain enough weight that you don't fit your clothes, you have a problem. And while I do have some yoga pants, I do not want to have to wear them all the time.

I rather like my wardrobe. It has taken me several years and a substantial investment to build it to this point. I FLAT OUT REFUSE to let myself go to the point that I have to start over from scratch. I busted my tail (literally) to get back into my clothes after Nathan was born. Gaining a few pounds is one thing. Not fitting your clothes is quite another.

As an added bonus, I will turn the big 4-0 on November 25, the day before Thanksgiving.

I refuse to feel "fat and forty." I refuse to have my clothing options limited by my own poor choices and lack of will power. I refuse to buy another wardrobe. I refuse to loathe seeing myself in a mirror. I refuse to be unhealthy. I refuse to allow the Enemy to have any little niche to poke his nose in and cause me trouble. I refuse. I refuse. I REFUSE!!!

I have just under three weeks to get my rear in gear to meet my goal and fit into my khakis. This is an attainable goal. I am working my plan.

And as I know that at the age of forty it gets REALLY hard to keep weight off, I intend to continue to make changes in my lifestyle. For a while now I have been slowly making small improvements in our eating habits and will continue to do so.

The biggest obstacle is making exercise a priority. But, even fifteen minutes a day can help. As Flylady says, "You can do anything for fifteen minutes." The near-miraculous transformation of my previously cluttered basement is proof of that.

I intend to have a little less "junk in my trunk" in three weeks. I intend to wear my khakis to Thanksgiving dinner.

Oh, and uh, I intend to ask you to please pray for me.

The Murky World of My Thought Process

2009-10-30T10:26:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I completed the household chore I like the least -- vacuuming, sweeping and mopping the floors. I would rather do just about anything else, including go to the dentist, than clean floors.

I got to wondering as I cleaned...I have heard that there are trees and grass in Heaven. I love trees and grass. But as trees and grass grow in dirt, does that mean there is also dirt in Heaven? When I go inside my "mansion in glory" am I going to take dirt in with me? Am I going to have to clean floors in Heaven? FOR ETERNITY?

I mean, I think we will have jobs in Heaven, but it will be something we LIKE to do, right? I'll get to socialize and make everyone laugh, right? There will be other tasks God would have me do that I'm perfect for, right? I won't have to spend eternity cleaning floors...right? Right? Someone please tell me I'm right...

Okay. Wig-out time is over. I'm okay. If God wants me to clean floors, I guess I'll enjoy it, right?

Right? :)

2 things

2009-10-19T10:41:00.000-05:00

This will be quick, as I only have a moment before laundry/Nathan/farming/lunch chaos begins:

I have wondered for a looooonnnnngggg time about the words at the end of some of the blogs I follow. They are like little guidance words for your posts, like if I write about kayaking, at the bottom it would say "kayaking" and then anyone could click on that to find what else I've written about kayaking.

Finally figured it out (it's good to ASK for help) and updated my past blogs with this Labels feature. I know. Sometimes I amaze even myself with my sheer lack of tech savvy. It may slow me down, but it's not stopping me!

Secondly, and completely unrelated in any way, I am now okay with giving away my maternity clothes and Nathan's baby clothes. What is it about telling others of your concerns and troubles that frees you from them? I am learning more and more about the power of the spoken word every day. Hope to post more on that at a later date...

Be blessed today! :)

Holding On

2009-10-07T13:45:00.001-05:00

Flylady.net has been, and continues to be, a huge help to me. This wonderful lady and her team are revolutionizing my life by helping me declutter and organize. My basement looks better than it has since we moved into this house 9 years ago, and my cabinets and closets, papers and piles, are slowly but surely coming into line. Babysteps rule!

I have pitched and/or given away literally dozens of large trash bags full of stuff. If I don't use it, need it or love it, it's gone. Outta here. Later, gator. Several local organizations are benefiting from this process, and I am overjoyed to bless others with these items.

However, there are a few things I am struggling with getting rid of. I'm having a real hard time parting with my maternity clothes. And Nathan's baby clothes. I know for certain that neither of us will use them again, but I can't bring myself to let them go. I've happily loaned them out to others, but there's just something about the permanence of giving them away that so far has made me hesitate.

I do know that I will get there, that one day (hopefully) soon I WILL HAVE HAD IT and I will quickly grab them and take them to our local crisis pregnancy center...just not yet.

I'm saddened that this seems so difficult for me. I understand about emotional attachement and what not and I know I will be okay with it eventually, but it makes me wonder...

What other things in my life do not work for me, do I no longer need, and do I not love, that I still stubbornly refuse to throw away? What habits, attitudes, agreements am I harboring like fugitives in the basement of my spirit?

Who'd a thunk that decluttering the basement would have such an impact on the clutter in my soul?

The What of the Lord is my What?

2009-09-30T16:46:00.003-05:00

     They looked at me like I had lost my mind. But then, they usually look at me like I've lost my mind.

     I'd been wrestling around with it for a week or so. I hadn't had any real time I could sit down and contemplate, so I asked my friends one night for their answers: "Okay," I said. "' The joy of the Lord is my strength.' Why?" Pause. Pause. Deer-in-the-headlights. I explained further.

     What I don't really get is the Joy part. Why not The Hope of the Lord is my Strength? Or The Love of the Lord? Or The Peace? Or The Strength? Why The Joy?
     And why is the Joy of the Lord Strength? What is so strong about joy?

     AND, is that even IN the Bible, or is it just a nice phrase like "This too shall pass?"

     While I found their answers to be very insightful, I still wasn't completely satisfied.

     I found the verse way back in the eighth chapter of Nehemiah. The Exiles had returned to Israel, rebuilt the wall around Jerusalem and settled into towns. Everyone who could understand, men and women, came to listen to Ezra the priest read aloud the Law of Moses. The people stood up for the entire 5-6 hours it took him to read. Ezra praised the Lord, the people worshiped and the Levites explained what he was reading. The people wept as they listened.

     Nehemiah said, "Go and enjoy choice food and sweet drinks, and send some to those who have nothing prepared. This day is sacred to our Lord. Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength." (v10) Then all the people went away to eat and drink, to send portions of food and to celebrate with great joy, because they now understood the words that had been made known to them. (v12)

     So the Israelites celebrated with joy because they now knew and understood who they were and what they needed to do to walk with God. They were joyful in their newly found knowledge and their restored relationship.

     But is that The Joy of the Lord?

     God IS His Word. As the people listened to the Word, understood the Word, and responded to the Word, they were responding to God Himself. Turning their hearts to Him. Finally, after 70 years in exile, they were broken and repentant. Nothing brings God more joy than when we come back to him in repentance. God was joyful that His relationship with His people had been restored. He could again fulfill the promises He had made to the Patriarchs and make them into a great nation that would bless the world. His will could finally be done.

     But what about the strength part? After standing up from daybreak until noon, with their brains on overload and their hearts heavy, the Israelites were surely exhausted at the very least. Then they were told to go feast and quit crying. Celebrate! Grab a bite! Sit down and relax!   As they did, you can imagine what that must have done for their bodies, minds and spirits.
      So, for me anyway, I'm thinking that The Lord's Joy is me internalizing His word and repenting of my sin, thus restoring my relationship with Him. It is my Strength because He, in His mercy and grace, calls me to the feast of restoration, in great anticipation of fulfilling His purposes for me and through me.

     At least that's where I am with it all right now. More insights could be forthcoming...

     Do YOU have any thoughts? I'd love to hear them.

Grace and Mercy, Mercy and Grace

2009-09-04T11:33:00.003-05:00

Mercy pays my debt and brings my account back to zero.
Grace deposits above and beyond what I deserve.
Mercy is when the Father ran out to the Prodigal and embraced him, welcoming home the son.
Grace killed the fatted calf and brought the robe and ring, restoring him as an heir.

Snipets

2009-08-28T14:26:00.003-05:00

Some random thoughts that probably don't belong together, but it's my blog, and I'll put them together if I want to. :)

The spoken word is extremely powerful. In the beginning was the Word...(John 1:14) There is life and death in the power of the tongue. (Prov 18:21) If you confess with your mouth Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart God raised Him from the dead you will be saved.(Rom 10:9)
Why isn't it enough just to believe in your heart? Why do we have to say it out loud, too? One reason I heard lately comes from John Eldredge: The enemy cannot read your mind. Only God knows what you are thinking.
If you want the enemy off your back, tell him so! Out loud! The louder, the better, although whispering does seem to work.

Which came first: the cultural attitude of entitlement or the fact that we do not require our children to say "please" and "thank you" anymore?

The wages of sin is death (Rom 6:23) does not necessarily mean your body will be in a coffin momentarily. It might be the death of a relationship. The death of a dream. The death of a ministry. Of integrity. Of opportunity. Of respect. (major paraphrase of Beth Moore)
It also might not be immediate, but slow and painful. And death is pretty hard to come back from.
Of course, in the great wisdom of The Princess Bride, "There is a big difference between mostly dead and all dead. Mostly dead is slightly alive." If you're still breathing, you (and your situation) are only mostly dead. God can bring anything back to life.

Processing...processing...

2009-08-22T18:46:00.005-05:00

It's amazing to me how God sets things in your life at the perfect time, in the perfect way, for the perfect effect.
You may have read about my kayaking adventure. How utterly taken I was in the moment, in nature, in the water (of all things). I was a bit disappointed in my description of the event, but well, it is what it is.
I've been processing everything over the last week. Why do I feel this way? What was it exactly that I connected with? God showed up with (of all things) a vocabulary lesson. Had this lesson come two weeks ago I doubt I would have made this connection. God's timing for God's effect.
John Eldredge of Ransomed Heart Ministries and "Wild at Heart" fame has been looking for some words to really capture the Christian life (besides Love, of course). The words he came up with are Epic and Intimate.
The grand, sweeping story arc and the tiniest detail of the manuscript. The resplendent mountain vistas and the delicacy of one flower. The dramatic annunciations of the orchestra and the gentle whisper of the guitar.
John is an Epic kind of guy. I find myself to be more affected by the Intimate. But as someone familiar with theatre, I understand the Epic also, and it certainly moves me as well.
Kayaking was not Epic for me. It was not Intimate, either. For me, being out on the kayak was a moment in which both Epic and Intimate joined together. Here, one plus one equals a lot more than two.
Kayaking feeds a place in my soul I did not know existed.
I love watching my sons growing up partly because I love to see who they are becoming. Watching them discover their strengths and weaknesses, interests and passions, is beyond thrilling. It seems to me that it's not that these aspects of their personalities are being created so much as uncovered, brought out and encouraged. I get to play a small part in helping my boys discover their layers.
Kayaking is one of my layers. Now that it has been uncovered, I plan to continue to bring it out and encourage it.

Trading in my Chevy for a...

2009-08-14T14:41:00.007-05:00

It is always, in my experience, the very last thing you think you'd enjoy doing that brings you the most fulfillment.
"Are ya kidding me? Not only 'no' but 'heck no!' I'd NEVER do that!"
And God smiles.
I enjoy being God's comic relief. Most of the time.
Who else but God, the guy who parts seas, makes donkeys talk and sends His own Son to be crucified for me, could come up with this stuff?
For instance, I never thought I'd meet a farmer. Today I'm married to one and loving it. (Not just loving the farmer-who-was-not-a-farmer-when-I-married-him but also the lifestyle)
I never wanted to live in the country. A loft in the heart of downtown was all I needed. Today I believe the old adage that a day in the country is worth a month in town.
I grew up in the Chicago area and have never been an outdoorsy girl AT ALL. I don't do bugs, lots of sun, heat and humidity, and I especially do not do cold water. At heart, I'm more of a hot-tub kind of gal. But suddenly, my newest passion is...wait for it...kayaking.
There. I said it. It's true. Kayaking. As in, outdoors. On the water. In the sun. God smiles.
Earlier this week we went camping at a local campground that I originally thought I would not enjoy. Each campground has its personality, and this one is all about fishing.
We do not fish. Or at least we didn't when we first pooh-poohed the idea of camping there. God smiled.
Matthew went fishing earlier this summer with the church and got hooked (pun intended). Then we were invited by some friends to join them at this campground. Matthew was thrilled because Fred is a fisherman and could teach him a lot.
The camping area is right on the water surrounded by tall pine trees. The view across the lake is spectacular. Lovely to look at, but that's it. No way for me to be out in it. Not that I really wanted to be out in it. I did mention the cold water and the bugs, right? And as I don't fish, I didn't get to go on the boat with the guys. Poor me. I'll just stay at the campsite with Marcia and chat. I'm good at that.
A few spaces down from us was a family and some of their friends. They had their fishing boat and 2 kayaks with them. Marcia and I watched in fascination as the friends' 8 (or so) year old daughter got right in one and took off. Ah, to be young and fearless, we thought. We could never do that ourselves. We'd be tipped over before you could say, "Look at me go!"
But later we got talking with the wife and she explained how easy these sit-on-top kayaks were to use. Then, for real, she offered to let Marcia and I try them out.
I know. Yes, there are still nice people in the world, to even think of letting two strangers just take off in their kayaks. We looked at each other and it was a no-brainer. We put on life jackets and jumped (or gingerly stepped) right in.
We got the hang of turning and going forward and back very quickly and,boy, we were off. Our first voyage was to The Point where Matthew and Marcia's son Max were fishing. We thought they would freak out when they saw us. We didn't get quite the reaction we were looking for, but we pressed on.
It was truly amazing. Out there on the peaceful water. Feeling the oneness with nature. The stillness. The quiet. Well, quiet except for the two of us laughing and gawking at how much fun we were having. There were no motors to distract, just the simple dip of the paddles as we luxuriated in God's creation. We embraced the exhilarating freedom and peacefulness. Unlike anything I have ever experienced.
Of course, we had to go back and let Matthew and Max have a try, and they enjoyed it as well.
How many days until Christmas?

What You've Been Missing

2009-08-09T13:42:00.004-05:00

Yes, it has been a looonnnggg time since I've posted anything here. God has indeed been working in my life, but recently He's been addressing some very internal issues with me. Things I'm still processing. Things He is cleansing and things I'm still learning about. I may not even share these with you directly, but I hope and pray that you will see in me a deepening in closeness to Christ.
How's that for obscure?
Let me put it this way: I listen to the 1 Year Daily Audio Bible podcast every day. Brian Hardin, the founder and leader, sought the Lord for the community at the beginning of the year and the Lord gave him the phrase, "Complete and Release" as sort of the theme for the year. Um, wait, it might be "Release and Complete..." Ah, well, either way, it works.
In my mind I thought God was speaking of responsibilities. Complete that project/ministry/season of life and release it, embrace freedom from it and move into the new thing God has in store.
Not so for me.
For me it's more internal than external. It seems to mean getting the full picture on issues I've been dealing with for a while and getting rid of them.
The process hasn't been so much painful for me as eye-opening. "Oh, okay, now I get it. Yeah, that needs to go. How do I do that? Oh, I see. Let's do that, God. Thanks!" As a bonus, the freedom is coming, and I must say, it is fabulous.
Thankfully, the process continues.
A side benefit to all this spiritual cleansing is that it is making its way outward. Tomorrow we should finish purging Matthew's room and hopefully move on to the basement.
I don't think this is exactly what God had in mind when He started this whole process, but it seems to be making the trash man happy. :)

American Idol

2009-07-10T16:10:00.011-05:00

Independence Day is usually a good time. Freedom. Fireworks. Frankfurters. Family & Friends. Fun. A time to celebrate our country, a nation with a grand and glorious history -- 233 years of independence, growth and leadership. An unparalleled example of democracy built on Christian principles. There has never been anything like it.
I am proud to be an American. This partly explains why, this year, July 4 has been bittersweet for me.
George Washington said, "It is impossible to rightly govern the world without God and the Bible." Nearly every other founding father made statements reflecting this same belief. I do not have the space to print them all here, but their remarks are compelling.
As anyone who does not live under a rock can attest, our nation has been making steady progress further and further from our heritage. We are abandoning the principles that made us a great nation faster than high-speed internet service.
But it is not only the increasing separation of the State from God that upsets me. I'm upset by the fact that it upsets me.
"What?" you ask.
The United States of America has been an idol in my life.
"Okay...um...what?"
The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines an idol as a representation or symbol of an object of worship : a false god : an object of extreme devotion.
Anything, or anyone, that I turn to other than God is an idol.
I confess that I have counted on the Constitution and our body of laws to save me. I have looked to our government and military to protect me from attacks by enemies. I have placed my hope in the stability of our form of government, of checks and balances and majority rule.
That foundation is no longer a surety. I have been examining the extent to which I place my trust in my nation and its leaders.
I have looked to my country to provide things only God can give. While I care deeply and am concerned about the direction our country is headed, I must not let it become a make-or-break issue for my life. I must count on God to provide what I need for life, no matter what the economy, judicial system or resident of the Oval Office is doing.
Don't misunderstand me. I would rather live in the United States of America than any other country in the world. In spite of all its flaws it is still, today, the best country on earth.
But I need to remind myself that my hope is in Christ, not the Constitution. I need to bury my head in the Bible and not the Bill of Rights. I need to seek comfort and protection in God's loving embrace and not in the folds of the American flag. I need to no longer put my faith in my government but in my God.
Turn with me from the comfort our standard of living affords to the peace that transcends all understanding. Phil 4:7 Turn from the pursuit of happiness and pursue the Creator of every good and perfect gift. James 1:17 America cannot offer the abundant life. Jesus said, "I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." John 10:10
I offer my respect and loyalty to my country. I offer my love and my life to my Lord.

Growth Chart

2009-06-22T16:51:00.011-05:00

I became the temporary secretary at Central Christian Church when I was 17. It was the summer after graduating high school and before starting college. Basically they needed someone who was a Christian, could type and answer the phone, and wouldn't need the job in the fall when the new secretary arrived. I fit the bill.
I was not the only employee of the church who was brand new that summer. Brett was our straight-out-of-seminary Youth Minister. This was my first job as a secretary and his first job as a minister.
Intelligent guy that he is, it took him no time at all to figure out that I was one of the most clueless individuals on the planet. On top of that, I had only been a Christian for a year and a half and hadn't matured in my faith as much as I should have. The only explanation for me getting (and keeping) the job was that it was a God thing. Truthfully.
A few years later I got married and moved away. Brett went on to plant a church that was, and continues to be, one of the fastest-growing congregations in our brotherhood.
Fast forward about 18 years. Clinton and I were attending the North American Christian Convention in Louisville, Kentucky. In the program of events we happened to spot Brett's name and I realized he must be at the convention. Of course, thousands of others were there as well. It would NOT be an easy task to find him out of the blue. Undaunted, I told God that it would be fun to see him, even for a second, if He could arrange that for me.
From the program I knew Brett was on a committee that was meeting in a certain room at a certain time. Clinton and I tried to find the room before the meeting adjourned but never found it. While standing in the general vicinity of where we thought he might come through, with hundreds of people milling around and on their way to the opening session, I prayed and turned around.
"Somehow" I knew that Brett had already passed me and was walking away. "Somehow" I knew that the man in khakis and yellow polo was him. I ran after and shouted his name. He stopped and turned around. I will never forget the look on his face when he recognized me. To this day the memory of it makes me smile.
His gaping mouth, wide eyes and raised eyebrows told me that I was one of the last people he expected to run into at an event like the North American. It was a look that said, "YOU?! HERE?!" Now I don't often get to mess with people's heads, but I got him good that time. After he remembered how to talk we had a nice conversation.
In that moment I realized the milestone. Here was a man who knew me as a hapless baby Christian. Now he was seeing me all grown up. And for him, the simple fact of my presence at the conference meant that I had grown in the Lord and was still walking with Him. Otherwise, why would I have been there?
Sometimes it takes a "chance" meeting to help you realize that you have, in fact, grown and changed. And, at the same time, you can catch a glimpse of how far you still have to go. You see, in those few minutes I got to see a bit of how Brett had grown up over the years as well.
I just hope Brett isn't surprised to see me when we get to Heaven. :)

Whose War? Mine? Now wait a minute...

2009-06-18T16:19:00.004-05:00

Spiritual warfare isn't something I'm extremely familiar with, but it has been a theme in my life over the last few weeks. I know that we have an Enemy who comes to kill, steal and destroy, the Devil who prowls around like a lion looking for someone to devour.

So my question is, what do I do? How do I win this battle? Three verses have stood out to me in how best to fight our Enemy. The first is from Ephesians 6:10-17.

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.
Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.
Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

Lessons from here: 1. Remember who the enemy is. My enemy is not anyone I can see with my eyes. Other Christians are not my enemy. Even non-believers who are violently against God are not my enemy. Satan and his minions are.
2. Use God's power, not mine. Not "be strong in myself", but strong in the Lord. Not "be strong in my mighty power" but strong in His. If I ask Him, He will help me. And He will help you.
3. The armor of God, if you'll notice, is nearly all based on defense. The only weapon is the Sword of the Spirit.
4. Why do we put on the armor? So we can STAND FIRM, STAND OUR GROUND. Not run around looking for a fight, but ready to stand when confronted with one.

The next is from James 4:7, "Submit therefore to God. Resist the Devil and he will flee from you." First we whole-heartedly offer ourselves to God. After that, we are not to stand there quivering in fear. We are not to let the Devil come up and push us over with his foul breath. We are to resist. This is an active stance. We use truth, righteousness, gospel, faith, our salvation and God's word against his attacks. When Jesus was tempted in the wilderness by Satan, this is EXACTLY what He did. (Matthew 4)

And finally, my favorite of these verses. Exodus 14:14 says, "The Lord will fight for you. You need only to be still." Moses said this to Israel as they watched all of Pharaoh's army ready to attack and kill them at the Red Sea.
If Israel had turned and fought the army in their own strength we would not be having this conversation. But what did they do? They stood still and watched God send a pillar of fire to halt the army and open the Red Sea for them to walk across. They waited and God showed up in one of the most dramatic encounters in the history of the world.

Lesson from this: I AM NOT ALONE IN THE BATTLE! WHOO-HOO! In fact, I'm not the one actually fighting the battle! If I let God fight the rulers, authorities and powers of the dark world and just be still, standing firm and resisting, the battle will be won! And it will be a victory that no one can deny came by the hand of God. I love it!

One more note: I've learned that Satan cannot read our minds! Only God can do that. Satan does NOT have that power! When Jesus cast out demons he didn't "think" them gone, he spoke to them. Out loud. For all to hear. Everyone thought He was a nut case UNTIL they saw the results. It's when we allow God's strength, God's plan, God's timing and God's truth to fight the battle that we can be still. We can be calm, cool and collected in the midst of the most devastating circumstances. Stand firm, stand your ground, resist, and be still as God fights for you.

Boxes for Ruth, Blessings for Me

2009-05-14T16:49:00.005-05:00

It was the summer of 2006. I pulled my Explorer into the Walmart parking lot and found a decent parking space. As I breezily meandered towards the store I noticed that Ruth's car was parked in the space next to mine.
Ruth was a long time member of the church I attend, a retired widow with grown children whom God was calling to the mission field. She was selling her house and getting ready to store a few things before she left.
As I was checking out I saw Ruth finishing up at her own check out line. She had purchased several extra-large Rubbermaid storage boxes. We walked out together, chatting about how much longer she had until she left and where she planned to live when she returned.
We arrived at our vehicles and began to unload. As I prepared to close the back hatch I could see Ruth struggling to get the boxes into her back seat. There was absolutely no way those things were going in there. We tried the trunk. Same story.
That's when I realized that I was part of the plan. We loaded the boxes into the back of the Explorer and I followed her home. Free delivery!
I'm sure Ruth has completely forgotten that story by now, but I doubt I ever will. You see, she got "the stuff" but I got the blessing.
As someone who writes, I can appreciate a well-crafted storyline. God sure handed me a doozy that day.
I can only imagine that His thought process went something like this: "Ruth is going to buy storage boxes that won't fit in her car. I need someone with a bigger vehicle to take those for her. Aha! Debbie needs to go to Walmart this afternoon. Bingo! I'll arrange for them to park right next to each other, for them to finish checking out at the same exact time, and for Debbie to not be in a hurry. (smiles to Himself) That part alone will be a miracle! Debbie is ALWAYS running late and in a hurry to get somewhere. But I think I'll use her today. She can be part of my plan to show Ruth how much I love her and how I'm taking care of her."
There are so many things I love about this story. I love that even though I was early (for me), I was exactly right on time. I love that God used me (or at least my car) to help someone who needed it. But my favorite part is that before Ruth ever knew she had a need, God had filled it.
And many, many times since that day I have gone back to this story to remind myself that God does the same for me.

Lesson from a Sunny day

2009-04-27T16:42:00.005-05:00

I have to laugh.
One of our outdoor cats, Sunny, is the most lackadaisically fearless cat I've ever seen. Our dog barks and runs at him and he doesn't even begin to flinch. "Eh, no big deal." A car's tire nearly clips his hind leg off and he doesn't even begin to pick up his pace. "Eh, I've been closer. I'll just lay down right here and bask in the sun."
And then there's my favorite. His non-reaction to the gray and white bird that has migrated back to our little patch of acreage.
I know it is the same bird because it behaves the same way it has the last 3 years. Any time Sunny is walking around in the yard north of the house, this bird dive bombs him. From the maple tree it swoops down to just above Sunny's head, over towards the sweet gum tree and back again, chattering at him the entire time. Sunny just keeps walking, oblivious to the bird's rantings and ravings.
I don't know what grievous sin Sunny committed against this bird (well, I have an idea, but I really do not want confirmation), but it certainly remembers Sunny and refuses to forgive him.
I need to take a lesson from my cat. You see, whenever Satan dive bombs me, chattering at me about the sins I've committed, I need to walk on by as nonchalantly as Sunny does. "Oh, yeah, I've been forgiven for that. Move along..." Don't even give The Accuser the time of day off the sundial.
Sunny doesn't let his past ruin his present, and neither should I.
Maybe I'll go bask in The Son.

I KNOW he didn't learn this from me...

2009-04-23T08:08:00.003-05:00

So Tuesday morning Nathan and I were in my bedroom. He had his sippy cup of milk and accidentally dropped it on the tile in front of the fireplace. Several drops of milk spilled out onto the tile. I went to get something to clean it up, and when I came back in I found him on his knees in front of the fireplace. He was running his hand back and forth across the milk spill, saying "I kyean, I kyean."
I love when they start to "help" you.
He also does laundry. Apparently, I don't fold the clothes correctly as they come out of the dryer so he "refolds" them for me. He's such a sweetie. :)
Kind of like when I try to "help" God. I'll see a "mess" somewhere and think to myself, "I can help with this." With the best of intentions, I'll run my hands through the mess and shout, "I kyean, I kyean" and really, only make matters worse. If only I would ALWAYS remember to ASK Him if He would like my help before I just jump right in. If only I would also stop and listen for His answer...
Unfortunately, I'm not nearly as cute as Nathan is when I try to help.

2009-04-13T19:57:00.003-05:00

Wow! It has been a VERY long time since I've posted on here! I'll try not to go that long anymore. The problem is that I've been using all my spare time (and creativity) writing a skit and a workshop for a Ladies' Retreat this coming weekend. I am VERY excited to have this opportunity to use some of the skills/gifts I have to His glory.
God has called me to speak. My "career" in this is not where I thought it would be by now, but that has more to do with A) my lack of vision and tenacity and 2) the fact that my idea of being a speaker and God's idea of me being a speaker seem to be 2 totally different things. I do have MANY other responsibilities in my life, responsibilities that only I can fulfill. What He is preparing me for I cannot see right now, but He knows the plans He has for me, plans to prosper me and not to harm me, plans to give me a future and a hope. (Jer 29:11)
His idea of prospering me may have nothing to do with speaking, or it might have everything to do with it. And I'm sure our definitions of "prospering" differ as well. Only He knows. And only He knows how much or how little speaking He wants me to do. But I plan to be ready, willing and able when the opportunities come. Anything beyond that is in His hands.

Pearls

2009-02-15T15:01:00.008-06:00

I have had a special place in my heart for pearls for as long as I can remember. My mother, to this day, wears a ring she received from her parents for her high school graduation, with two pearls set in gold. One of my earliest memories is admiring this ring. I received a pearl ring from my parents for my graduation, but I kept losing the pearls and so now I have it in a special box for safe keeping. I have various strands of pearls, both real and imitation, that I have acquired over the years, various lengths and various diameters for various occasions.
I also have a sensitivity to metal, and so it bothers my skin to wear most jewelry. Gold and silver chains itch my neck, and I may never get to wear earrings again. Even watchbands tend to bother me. But pearls, ah, I can wear pearls all the livelong day. And thanks to Coco Chanel, pearls are classic and still contemporary. Nothing says luxury to me like a long strand of pearls draped around a woman's neck...
But it wasn't until today that I realized their symbolism.
A pearl is formed when a foreign body embeds itself inside an oyster. The oyster coats the particle with a natural secretion, and over time the many layers of this coating become the beautiful gem. A thing of beauty with pain at its core.
How many "foreign bodies" have embedded themselves in my life? How many times have I cursed the pain, or asked God to take it away, or simply whined, "Why me?" But then I (usually, eventually) quit whining and walk through the pain, praying I learn the lessons I need to learn. Day by day, prayer by prayer, layer by layer, He transforms my pain into something beautiful. Maybe that beauty is character. Maybe it is a softened heart. Maybe it is knowledge. Very likely it is something that resembles... my favorite jewelry.
I'll never see pearls in the same way again.

5 Loaves + 2 Fish = 20 Years of Theater

2009-02-03T14:25:00.008-06:00

I am five loaves and two fish.
It all started sophomore year of high school. The friends I walked home with decided to join the Props Crew in the Theater Department at our high school. I didn't really want to walk home by myself every day, and so I joined them. The show in production was "Guys and Dolls." Actors, singers, dancers, makeup, lighting, sets, costumes, drops...all was exciting and new to me.
I was thrilled that as a new member of the backstage crews I was assigned a big and important job. I got to move The Trash Can during a scene change. Ah, yes, I remember it well. It was a high stakes, high pressure situation.
Well, okay, so I exaggerate. After all, any idiot can move a trash can out of the way. Even so, somehow during one rehearsal I managed to forget it. After rehearsal Erika, one of the dancers, made it clear to me (very nicely) that if I didn't move the trash can, she couldn't do her flip onto the stage and the next scene could not start. This information switched on the light bulb in my head.
I realized that I had the opportunity to contribute to the success or failure of this show. I didn't have to be tall, blonde, pretty, smart, rich, funny, talented or athletic to perform this task. This was a niche I could fill. I could be part of something fun, exciting and creative.
I was also completely fascinated by the whole dynamic behind the production. So many people came together, with different backgrounds and ideas and reasons to be there, and created something that lived, breathed, and affected people. This wasn't a painting you looked at on a wall -- this was living art. Every single performance was unique and yet the same. Each person had their own job to do in time, each thread woven purposefully in the tapestry, line by line, scene by scene. It was incredibly exciting to me. And I got to be a tiny thread... This was the birth of the first passion in my life.
Back then it didn't occur to me that I would do anything but work on a crew of some sort, possibly even be Stage Manager. I did get to stage manage a few shows later in high school, after we moved from my beloved Chicago suburb to the DC suburbs. My plan in college was to continue and work backstage in professional theater. Nothing glamorous, nothing grand, but part of something I loved. God, however, had other plans.
God has taken my very small measure of talent and knowledge, my five loaves and two fish, and multiplied them in ways I could never have imagined back then. I have had the privilege of being a part of some wonderful and amazing productions over the past 20 some years after high school. I have been able to stage manage, perform, even write and direct theatrical productions. The writing especially is something that was never even on the radar. Granted, none of the shows have been what anyone would call professional. They have nearly all been church related, but God has given me the opportunity to use my tiny bit of knowledge and talent to further His Kingdom in this way. And each time I am presented with the opportunity to fill this niche in this tiny corner of the Kingdom, I am honored and humbled to play my part.

Color(s) of Love -- YOU Decide

2009-01-12T15:28:00.004-06:00

A friend of mine posted a question: What color is love? I responded that I didn't think you could limit it to only one color. Later I elaborated on that theory:

When you let each other down love is blue. When you make each other smile it is yellow. When you're trudging together through the muck of life it is brown. When you honor each other it is a royal purple. During the many boring parts it is gray. When you are growing closer to each other love is green. Joyful times are a bright pink. When tempers flare love is orange. Love that is a decision to love as God loves us is white. Times of intense sadness are black. And red is, well, you can fill in your own blank. ;)

Agree? Disagree? I'd love to hear what you think.

A Change in Walking Habits

2009-01-01T15:50:00.004-06:00

I would like to share with you something that has changed my life, continues to change my life, and if he sticks with it, will also change the life of my oldest son, Matthew.
In early May of 2008 I had a brainstorm. I had been having trouble finding time to walk on the treadmill and read my bible. I decided that if I could do both at the same time, I could probably work these into my life. I had the treadmill already. All I needed was an ipod or some other mp3 player and a copy of the bible in that format.
A couple of days later I was on the phone with my mother. I told her my brilliant idea and she mentioned that her former employer had given her (and everyone else) an ipod that had not been out of the box in the year and a half she'd had it. She offered it to me and I jumped on the offer.
After a quick tutorial on this new (to me) technology, Clinton led me to iTunes to find a daily bible reading. He checked out a couple for me and then showed me the Daily Audio Bible by Brian Hardin. Brian had a nice voice and played serene background music interspersed with nature sounds. I thought this would do very nicely.
So in late May I began listening to the Daily Audio Bible while walking on the treadmill. The 20-30 minute podcasts work in very well with my workout schedule. On days that I don't walk I listen as I can that day. I could have gone back to the January podcasts and played catch up, but I know I would have become discouraged and eventually quit, so I just picked up where Brian was and continued on.
I must admit that the treadmill walking has been, especially lately, VERY hit and miss. I have, however, seen my christian walk transforming with the podcasts, and have completed 2008 on time. I'm proud of myself for that! Yeah, me! And now with the new year (and an extra 5 lbs), I plan to get back on the treadmill and listen to the entire bible this year.
Brian and his crew have also added the Daily Audio Proverb (once a month through the book of Proverbs), the Daily Audio Bible in Spanish and in Hindi, and most importantly to me, the Daily Audio Bible for Kids. Brian's daughter, China, reads from the New Testament, and they will complete the NT 4 times in a year. It takes about 15 minutes a day. Matthew just finished listening to his first podcast and really enjoyed it.
I get no money or any other "promotional considerations" for this blogpost. I simply wanted to share with you this wonderful thing that I've found and has made a huge difference in my life. I won't bore you with any more details than that for now, but I do pray that you will see the evidence of this in my life and in my blogposts.
Check it out for yourself at dailyaudiobible.com, or just search for One Year Daily Bible or Brian Hardin on iTunes.
Even if you do nothing at all with this information, be blessed in 2009!
And thanks for reading. :)

Camp Grandma

2008-12-31T13:22:00.003-06:00

Matthew finally came home yesterday. We have been missing him since Christmas Eve. It's like magic, and almost like he never existed, except that Lucy the Dog and Nathan the Little Brother look around our house with a glazed, lost look in their eyes.
It happens every time Clinton's sister and her 3 boys come to town and stay with Clinton's folks. They show up, Matthew disappears.
We do occasionally hear his laughter coming from the "secret base" in the back of their house. We sometimes catch a quick glimpse of his clothing streaking through the kitchen towards the family room and garage. And someone must be driving his 4-wheeler around the woods. If we really concentrate we can make out his outline for a nanosecond at mealtimes. But other than that, he is gone, gone, gone.
We do feel truly blessed to have at least one set of grandparents close by, and that they are in good enough health to play with the boys. I keep trying to get my parents to move closer, and I think I MIGHT be making the slightest headway, but alas, they are not here yet. So while we can't seem to have everything in life the way we want it, we make the very best of the blessings we do have. Even if it means we miss our oldest son for a week or so.

Christmas Blessings

2008-12-24T13:24:00.004-06:00

I am truly blessed. I am writing this to you right now from...my bedroom! How is this possible, you ask, as I have only a desktop in the kitchen? The answer is... I am on the new laptop my darling husband bought me for Christmas/Our Anniversary!
Technologically speaking, writing from my bedroom even with a laptop is quite a feat, mostly because we live in the country and our high speed internet options are very limited. But through the miracle of technology (and the great brain of said darling husband) we have wireless internet IN the house and not just TO the house. It's a long, sordid tale I will not bore you with at this time. Not to mention the fact that just trying to sort out the technical terms would, for me, be quite difficult. So, because of the blessing of God and my wonderful guy (I know, shut up already) it will be much easier for me to follow the muse to wherever it leads.
Now if I can just find the time to go along for the ride...

Reflections from the mind of a 16 month-old boy

2008-12-12T08:52:00.004-06:00

"What are you shouting about? It makes perfect sense to get Mommy's hairbrush and put it in the fireplace!"
"The leftovers will taste much better if I put my feet in the tupperware before she uses it."
"Dish towels belong on the kitchen floor, NOT on the hanger."
"The dog's water bowl, the dishwasher and the toilet are all acceptable places to play."
"It's not a good day unless I get a huge bruise somewhere on my head. Preferably as close to my eyes as possible."
"Throwing stuffed animals over the gate is fun. It is even more fun to watch Mommy put them away so I can do it all again."
"It is perfectly acceptable to put my shoes on to go somewhere, but NOT my coat."
"All buttons, levers, keyboards, drawer pulls, handles, and cords must be touched early and often."
"Individual packages of cookies and crackers taste much better after they've been crunched in my hands and thrown on the floor several times."
"Mommy's arrangement of knick-knacks is sorely lacking in composition and style. I must help her."
"Daddy's neckties look much more artistic in a jumbled pile on the closet floor."
"Toy remotes, keys, telephones, computers, ipods, etc are not near as much fun to play with as the real thing."
"Mommy and Daddy are starving our poor dog. I will be generous and share all of my food with her."
"Today my favorite game is 'Hide One of Daddy's Shoes.'"
"The scheduled nap time, which heretofore has been set in stone, is now negotiable, and may cease to exist in the near future."

Rings-n-things

2008-12-03T15:08:00.006-06:00

Okay, I admit it. At church a couple of Sundays ago, when my eyes were supposed to be closed in holy prayer, mine were open. Not only that, but I wasn't concentrating the slightest bit on what I was supposedly praying about. I was, in fact, staring at my hands. More specifically, I was contemplating the rings on my fingers. I know, I'm a helpless sinner. :)
I was feeling slightly flamboyant that morning and had decided to wear some of my older, sparkly jewelry to church. Way back when I was in high school and rhinestones were "in" I had received a cocktail ring. It's about 3/4" x3/4", silver with 13 small rhinestones set in a flower pattern. It is just this side of gaudy, perfect for an evening dress. I thought it would be fun to wear it to church, you know, where you're not supposed to be gaudy or flamboyant in any way.
So I had my nearly-gaudy cocktail ring on my right hand and my small, delicate wedding ring on my left. The difference in the two rings, to me, was stunning. At first look, the cocktail ring is more flashy, more sparkly, just, well, more. The wedding ring is lovely but it's hardly noticeable against the other. Yet when you really examine them, you see the quantity of the one versus the quality of the other. While the cocktail ring has by far the greater number of stones, the wedding ring has one particular stone of a far superior grade. They are not even the same type of stone -- one is cut glass and the other is cut diamond. A simple reminder to me that sparkle and flash aren't always superior features--in jewelry, in people and in life.
So I did manage to be reminded of something good while I was supposed to be doing, um, something else good. But maybe next time I'll try to close my eyes and pay attention.

Straight lines

2008-12-03T14:35:00.006-06:00

I was driving on the interstate recently, listening to my iPod and lamenting the cloudy day it was. In the midst of my lament I began to see some of the clouds ahead breaking apart. It wasn't a dramatic, Hollywood thing where angels sing and streams of descending light beams bathe the earth with a heavenly glow. It was simply a few clouds letting in a few Jacob's Ladders. For some reason this reminded me of something I had heard years ago, that there are no straight lines in Nature.
Even the straightest-looking natural elements bend with the wind or have a slight curve somewhere. Beams of light are the only exception to that rule.
My nature, my human nature, has no straight lines, either. No matter how hard I try to straighten myself out I can't do it.
If I want my human nature to be straight, I need to follow The Light. If I want the best plan, the most direct and most reliable path, I need to follow the straight line of light rather than the bending curves of my very human nature.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5&6 NIV

Tuesday's Thankful List

2008-11-25T21:11:00.007-06:00

1. The gorgeous blue of the fall sky. It is a crisp, clear day here in Southern Illinois and while the gorgeously colored leaves are, for the most part, no longer on the trees the blue sky remains. I've heard this sky called "Octember" Blue and I agree. This specific blue color is only seen for a few weeks a year, and it is now. I'm not much of a blue person (I'm more a red girl), but this is by far my favorite blue. :) Thanks, God, for allowing me to see it today of all days.
2. The reminder from the book of Daniel that the way to meet the impossible task is to 1. pray fervently, 2. ask your faithful friends to pray fervently as well, and 3. wait on God's answer.
3. My new nephew, Finnegan Michael Gunther, born today. We now have 9 boys on my side and 5 on Clinton's. Maybe we'll have granddaughters... :)
4. All of the blessings and birthday wishes I've received.
5. My health and the health of my family.
6. My cousin, Susan, who inspired me to start this list.
Okay, so that's 6 and I'm only committed to posting 5. Get over it. ;)
Tomorrow we're off to see my family for Thanksgiving (unfortunately not baby Finn) so I'm finished with this list, for now. I do reserve the right to resume boring you to death with my blessings at some random time in the future. And I challenge you to remember, this Thanksgiving, where it is that "every good and perfect gift" comes from. I pray that you will grow in gratitude to Him as I have done over these past days. The Creator of the Universe Is My Best Friend. I pray He becomes yours as well. Blessings on you, my darling friends. :)

What I'm Thankful For on Monday

2008-11-24T21:22:00.003-06:00

1. The sound of Clinton playing his guitar.
2. Got some Christmas shopping done today. Still have a looooooong way to go...
3. Internet shopping! When you live in a rural area and have to drive an hour and a half in any direction to shop... how did I ever do this before? And a shout out for free shipping!
4. The dual-control electric blanket we use as a mattress pad. This is without a doubt one of the top 3 presents I've ever received, and Clinton got it for me for my birthday years and years ago. Now, he is not allowed to buy me anything for a present that has a cord unless I specifically ask for it, but this was a stroke of genius on his part. AND he stripped the bed, put it on and remade the bed so well that I never noticed. I never knew he was capable of making a bed. :)
5. Hot showers with good water pressure. On the eighth day God created the shower (that's the gospel according to Clinton). :)

Sunday's Thankful List

2008-11-23T15:23:00.005-06:00

1. Facebook. I'm amazed that so many people I'd managed to lose track of in 30+ years have resurfaced in the few months that I've been on the site. I had thought it was only for "young people", but since 40 is supposedly the new 20 I guess I can qualify...okay, so I'm in a bit of denial about my age... Facebook means never having to say, "Gee, I wonder what happened to so&so?"
2. The nursery at church. I would never get anything out of the services (nor would those around me) if not for a wonderful place to place my wonderful son!
3. Clinton, Matthew, Nathan, my parents, my In-laws, our brother and sisters and their families, and of course friends too numerous to mention (and too dangerous for me to risk leaving anyone out by naming each individually). I truly am one of the most blessed women on the face of the Earth for having them in my life. :)
4. Gloves and thin layering tee shirts that do so well to keep me warm. :)
5. My sister is still pregnant ( 36 weeks is over 4 weeks longer than she's ever gone) and will have her baby Tuesday if not before!

Saturday's Thankful List

2008-11-22T19:46:00.004-06:00

1. Matthew thinks my cajun baked chicken is "decent."
2. I got a little time to read today.
3. I MIGHT have some Facebook applications figured out. Maybe. We'll see if it's all still there tomorrow...
4. I got the house "a lick and a promise" clean before Thanksgiving.
5. I'm going to go have a cup of hot chocolate before I bathe Nathan. My current favorite: Land O Lakes Cocoa Classics Supreme. I have to buy it by the packet, but it is yummmmmmmy!

Friday's Thankful List

2008-11-21T22:04:00.003-06:00

1. Got to hear a wonderful author, Mark Atteberry, speak and got to pick his brain a bit. God is so good to me!
2. And so is my husband! He agreed to go with me to hear Mark even though he is needing to work on his music really badly. (Okay, grammarians, is really badly correct English?)
3. I got to have lunch with my hubs at one of my favorite restaurants today.
4. I'm thankful for our house. It's not big, it's not grand, but it's a nice size for us, I love the layout and it's a perfect location for us.
5. The Daily Audio Bible podcast, which allows me to listen to the Bible in a year while I'm on the treadmill or doing mundane daily tasks. Life-changing stuff, people! :)

Thankful list for Thurs, Nov 20

2008-11-20T11:06:00.004-06:00

Sorry I didn't get this up last night. Clinton installed new security software, which took FOREVER, but we seem to be fine now, although I'm having to completely rearrange my favorites list, which is now called bookmarks... I can't find anything. :)
1. A husband who is technologically savvy. I learn (and then promptly forget) new things about the computer nearly daily thanks to him.
2. COFFEE! Make it as strong as you like, add what you like, or just drink it black and save the calories but still perk up. Oh, now I get it -- perk up. Percolator, perk...takes me a minute. God bless whoever came up with this truly efficient delivery system for my favorite legal addicitive stimulant. :)

3. Naptime. It can be amazing what you can get done in a couple of hours...or not.

4. Baby feet, their toes in particular. I could just eat them up!
5. Matthew is learning, through his allowance, about managing money. He saved and saved and bought himself a Nerf dart gun that he's wanted for a long time. Proud of you, Matt! :)

Wednesday, Nov 19 -- 5 things for which I'm grateful

2008-11-19T20:37:00.004-06:00

1. For the wonderful people who cook Thanksgiving dinner at church year after year. It was so delicious and I'm sooooo full!
2. That I got some Christmas gifts ordered today.
3. That I'm getting better at saying, "No."
4. For my wonderful friends and family.
5. For this blog and the opportunity to expose,er,dispose,er,compose my thoughts and share them with both of you. :)

Tuesday, Nov 18 -- 5 good things about today

2008-11-18T21:19:00.003-06:00

Here is the list as promised:
1. I had lunch with my darling friend, Pat. Nathan was charming and sat in the high chair the ENTIRE time which is nearly unheard of, so we got to talk the whole time and I got to eat my whole meal hot which is also nearly unheard of.
2. I'm feeling pretty good about the progress of my contributions to our church's "Christmas program." Can't call it a play, not exactly a musical, kind of a spectacle, definitely an event...
3. I was not ridiculously late for anything.
4. We had gorgeous sunshine.
5. This day is nearly over!

Thankful for these 5 things, today...

2008-11-18T10:58:00.004-06:00

My cousin and fellow blogger, Susan, has decided that she's taking these days before Thanksgiving and coming up with 5 things each day for which she is thankful. We have Matthew do this each night before he goes to bed (after he prays) and it has really seemed to help his attitude. On days that he's down on himself we also have him say 5 good things about Matthew. We are hoping he will thank us for that one day...
It is only 11am my time and I'm very far behind after spending 45 minutes on the phone with my mother this morning, so after I have most of the day under my belt I will post my 5 good things. And I'm going to accept her challenge, at least until November 25. I will explain why another time. Better go and "tear out a strip" as the say in Southern Illinois. Have a Terrific Tuesday!

A good hair day is not a good thing

2008-11-14T10:35:00.004-06:00

It's official. No one is going to see me today. Of course, the only place I'll probably be going is Walmart, but nonetheless, I will see no one there that I know. How can that be, you ask, as I live in a town of a mere 5,000 people, and everyone knows everyone, and I've lived here long enough to know (or at least know OF) nearly everyone, and it's payday so everyone will be at Walmart sooner or later?
The plain and simple answer is: I am having a great hair day. No trouble with the flat iron this morning, no hairs sticking up in embarrasing places, even the humidity has left my 'coif unaffected. A good hair day is Murphy's Law's way of telling me not to expect any socializing with anyone over the age of 10 today. So, I guess I'll just have to hope to see you on Saturday...

Quotes for the day after, in no particular order

2008-11-05T09:05:00.001-06:00

**The Bible is the chief moral cause of all that is good, and the best book for regulating the concerns of men...The man, therefore, who weakens or destroys the divine authority of that book may be accessory to all the public disorders which society is doomed to suffer. -- Peter Marshal, 1902-1949
**A comprehended God is no God at all. -- Gerhard Tersteegen
**God is not morally neutral. -- Francis Shaeffer
**Seek first His kingdom and His righteousness and all these things will be given to you as well. Matthew 6:33
**"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and future." Jeremiah 29:11
**Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6
**The best thing about the future is that it comes only one day at a time. -- Abraham Lincoln
**We trust, not because God exists, but because this God exists. -- CS Lewis
**Indeed, I tremble for my country when I reflect that God is just. -- Thomas Jefferson
**If men will not be governed by the Ten Commandments they shall be governed by the ten thousand commandments. -- GK Chesterton
**It is impossible to mentally or socially enslave a Bible reading people. -- Horace Greeley
**I sought for the greatness and genius of America in her commodious harbors and her ample rivers, and it was not there; in her fertile fields and boundless prairies, and it was not there; in her rich mines and her vast world commerce, and it was not there. Not until I went to the churches of America and heard her pulpits aflame with righteousness did I understand the secret of her genius and power. America is great because she is good and if America ever ceases to be good, America will cease to be great. -- Alexis de Tocqueville, 1805-1859
**There is no trick being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you. -- Will Rogers

Addition to The List

2008-10-22T08:14:00.001-05:00

I have an addition to my list of questions to ask God when I get to Heaven. #434 is, "Okay, Viruses. Please explain."
I know my God is in no way sadistic, but sometimes the mere existence of cold and flu bugs make me wonder. This is one of those times. Really, what purpose can they possibly serve other than to maim humanity and cause life as we know it to come to a complete stand-still? Maybe they're tools of Satan.
In early October Nathan got a cold. We only go to church and Walmart, so he had to get it at one of those two places. I think. When we go to Walmart I always wipe down the shopping cart and when we get home I wash my hands profusely... Anyway, he shared his cold with me. While his cold got better, mine became a sinus infection. Now he has yet another cold, and yes, he has again shared his virus with his mother. I'm thinking I should buy some stock in the company that makes the Z-pack.
Perhaps these tools of the devil serve purposes we as yet cannot see and may never see. Maybe they help keep nastier viruses and germs in check. Maybe they are designed to help you appreciate your senses of taste and smell. Really, I don't know, but I do plan to ask. On the bright side, I have lost 2 lbs. so maybe they're not ENTIRELY evil. When I hear from God I'll let you know.

I never should have gotten up...

2008-10-10T15:33:00.001-05:00

I should have known better than to allow the annoying beeping to get me out of bed Friday morning. It was 4:30am when Clinton and I began hearing a beep. It was only once every three minutes, and we couldn't decide whether or not it was worth worrying about. Finally at 4:50 we decided we were getting annoyed and better figure out what was going on. It wasn't the smoke detectors, CO2 alarm, house alarm system, it was...my cell phone. At 11:41pm someone whose number I don't recognize called and I missed it. We'll never know what happened there, but by this time it was 5am. I decided I was too wound up to try getting back to sleep, so Clinton joined me in watching the tail end of a movie I'd started watching 3 weeks ago.

Fast forward to lunchtime. I needed to go to town to deliver some frozen pretzels I had been storing (don't ask), so I volunteered to run to the bank for Clinton so he could go farm. This particular bank is a 25 minute drive from the house, and it would be a good idea to be there before 2:00. I packed up Nathan and 3 huge boxes of pretzels and prepared to deliver them to the freezer in Carrie's garage. First of all, I couldn't figure out how to get into Carrie's garage (don't ask). I called Carrie and we were good to go. I parked on the street and carried the boxes to the back of her property, down some stairs, around the usual stuff people have in their garages, and located the freezer. After rearranging the freezer I realized I could only get 2 boxes in. By now it was almost 1:30. What was I going to do about the third box of pretzels, and in the next five minutes? I had a brilliant idea. I called Stephanie. She is part of the same organization as Carrie and I, AND she has a restaurant closeby. Phone call to Stephanie. She could take the other box! But I couldn't find the backdoor to the restaurant among the 6 other backdoors. Finally she steped out of the one back door I could swear it couldn't be. I finally got rid of the partially-thawed pretzels and I was on my way to the bank. I would make it right before 2:00! Yeah!

Clinton has assured me I could make these transactions through the drive up. I believed him. Unfortunately the teller let me know I had to go inside to complete one of the transactions, but she did take care of the other one for me. I parked across the street, gathered my to-this-point-well-behaved 14 month old, and we went into the bank. We finished our business and left. On the way home Nathan became not-so-well-behaved, and I got behind a slow moving armored car. For nearly the entire way home. Nathan finally gave up and fell asleep. This did not bode well for him taking a nap later in the afternoon, which meant he would be very cranky this evening.

When I got home, there was a stray dog in the yard. Lucy was barking profusely and the cats were nowhere to be found. The stray followed my car into the garage and I shooed it out the walk-in door. This poor bird dog was very, very thin, and I felt sorry for it. Although not sorry enough to feed it or keep it. I brought Lucy into the house with much difficulty. I placed Nathan on the floor with his toy four-wheeler and dialed the humane society. No answer. Not even an answering machine. I tried again later. And again. And again. On the 5th try I got an answer. Unfortunately the guy who does the "collecting" was working his other job today. He MIGHT get finished in time to come out, he might not. Lucy wanted to go out and do who-knows-what to this dog, my cats were traumatized, no one could come into our out of the house without being snuggled to death by this dog, and it's a 3 day weekend.

By now it was time for Matthew to be home from school. While I was waiting at the door to let him in, I saw a wasp. And another wasp. And two more. I watched them for a minute. I could tell that these, and several of their friends, probably are building a nest in the ceiling of the porch. At this point it is only 4pm. I'm wondering what the evening holds.

I guess it could always be worse, right? At least no one is sick, dying or on their way to the ER. The house is neither on fire nor being flooded. No tornadoes are baring down on us. I just need to go back to bed and stay there until tomorrow, before anything else happens...

Nothing terrible, just many minor annoyances that build up, and up, and up. Have you ever had a day like that?

What do you do when it rains?

2008-10-07T11:37:00.002-05:00

It's raining today. Not a storm, just a medium rain with a couple of thunder claps on occasion. Our dog, Lucy, is scared of storms, and as such is following me around so much that I'm thinking of changing her name to "Shoelaces." Bad enough to trip over toys, Tupperware, snack foods and all the rest that Nathan drags out, but Lucy is by far the largest road hazard we have right now. It's getting old and I'm starting to get aggravated. I keep telling her, "It's okay. It's not a storm, just some rain. I'm here, I'll protect you. We are fine." And yet she looks up at me with those sweet brown eyes saying, "Protect me, Mom, it's bad out there." If only I spoke Dog... No matter what I do to reassure her, she's still afraid, and will be until the rain stops.
I am so much like Lucy. God tells me, "I'ts okay. It's not a storm. I'm here with you, I'll protect you. I have it all under control, so trust me, okay?" And even though He speaks Debbie and I understand His words, too often I find myself cowering in the corner. Like Lucy, I believe that what I see and hear is more real than the reassurance of the one who loves me. I need to "get real," and remember that He has my circumstances under control. My vision and information are limited, while His vision and information are infinite. I must no longer fear the storms. I must move out in faith and dance in the rain.

Dogwood Branches

2008-09-20T18:38:00.001-05:00

Among the many trees on our property is an old, rather decrepit-looking dogwood. It has grown up in a grouping with some other plants and bushes, and due to the loss of several limbs, is quite lopsided. In fact, one limb is hanging down but got tangled up in lower branches before it completely broke off. Somehow the limb manages to have a couple of leaves on the side that is still connected to the tree. We've talked for a couple of years about removing the entire planting but it's been low on the priority list.
The remnants of Hurricane Ike came through Southern Illinois last weekend. Plenty of limbs were down throughout the yard, including one decent-sized limb off the old dogwood. What surprised me is that the limb on the ground wasn't the limb that had been hanging for so long. The limb that blew off in the wind had been higher up in the tree, leaning out on its own. I realized that while the partially-broken branch was not nearly as healthy as the other one, it was still connected to the tree because it was being held by lower branches.
When hurricanes come through my life, I pray that I remember these branches. If I'm trying to stick it out on my own, no matter how spiritually healthy I may be, I'm at great risk of being blown off the tree by the storm. On the other hand, while I may be a broken branch with few leaves to show, if I am held up by fellow branches, I will be much more likely to weather the storm and remain attached to the tree. Thank you, my darling friends and family, for being my branches.

And We're Off!

2008-09-19T10:42:00.001-05:00

Hi Everyone!
You can thank Kay Hall for my being here. In early August I saw my darling friend at the annual ACMI retreat. We talked about what we were reading and writing and she piped up, "You know, you should blog." I must admit, my first thought was, "Yeah, right, whatever." And I blew it off. But alas, a small seed was planted, and despite my best efforts to smother it out of existence, it grew. Of course, I came up with many reasons why I couldn't, shouldn't and wouldn't blog. First of all, I'm a self-confessed techno-idiot. If it wasn't for my darling husband, Clinton, I wouldn't be able to forward email. I can barely turn the computer ON. I have a full schematic and 2 type-written pages on how to use our tv/stereo/satellite/dvd-vcr thing. Secondly, well, what IS a blog, anyway? Where do you buy them? Do they hurt when you try them on? Then I realized I was confusing them with clogs... But, I digress... Thirdly, what could I POSSIBLY have to SAY that anyone would find even remotely interesting? As some of you well know, I don't have a lot to say, but you have to listen a long time to find that out. (I didn't come up with that phrase, but it sure fits me.) And even more to the point, I don't have time to blog! But this little seed kept growing, and I realized that this was, in fact, a God thing. For a long time I've had all these little writing ideas but no place to put them. And without a place to put them, they go unwritten. And if they're not written, I forget about them. The worst part of that is that I lose the lesson. I love to learn and I love to share what I've learned. And, well, if you want to learn along with me, then join me here when you get a chance. And if you don't, that's fine, too. So here we go, on a little journey into my head (fairly empty) and my heart (fairly full). I hope it's not too scary! (For me, I mean, not for you. Although it could be scary for you. If it is I apologize...) But, I digress... I'll try to polish up the blog, add a picture or two (when Clinton has a chance to show me how to work the camera), and fill you in on what I am learning from what God is doing in my Everyday.